| Hands up if life is getting stressful
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| And shout if you are saddened by the news (Whoo)
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| I need some tips to cope
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| Some data or some anecdotes
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| 'Cause right now nothing’s workin' for my blues
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| Sometimes I deal by playing music
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| And sometimes I relax by reading books
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| Sometimes I go downtown
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| Climb a tree and don’t come down
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| And throw a bunch of pinecones at people
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| A crowd has formed around my tree
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| Just out of reach, and the police have
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| Blocked the street on every side
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| But no one can climb it and
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| I think its 'cause they know I have
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| A pinecone here for everyone who tries
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| I yell: I’m gonna live to be a hundred
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| I’m gonna see them cure disease
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| Then I’m gonna watch them
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| Go to war over the royalties so
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| If you need me, I’ll be in the tree
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| If you need me, I’ll be in the tree
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| There’s several cameras pointed up into my tree
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| It seems the world’s concerned with what I might do next
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| Throwing pinecones at photographers
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| From up here in this conifer
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| Like Tarzan getting scouted by the Mets
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| Yeah, I’m gonna live to be a thousand
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| Got robot arms and run on robot feet
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| Got robot legs and robot head
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| And my robot ass don’t know it yet but
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| I’d be better off back in the tree
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| So if you need me, I’ll be in the tree…
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| 'Cause no one’s asking what would drive me up this pine
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| Is it protest? |
| Am I being paid to preach or advertise?
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| No, this non-deciduous decision was all mine
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| You can show a horse the ropes
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| But no, you cannot make him climb
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| And this tree’s a makeshift metaphor and I prefer to think
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| I’m just a stressed out Christmas ornament
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| Who needs some space to breathe
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| And if the camera crews and crowded streets
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| And dozens of police
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| Are my endless pressures manifested down below my tree
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| Then this giant stack of pinecones
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| They are the lame and immature ways I deal with them
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| But also how satisfying it is to do so
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| To dome one
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| When they’re not looking, yeah
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| I’m gonna live to be a million
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| Longer than the flowers, birds and bees
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| But if I start to come undone
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| Make like a tree and hug someone
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| Everybody needs a place to breathe
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| Just recognize when it is time to leave
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| I’m probably gonna live forever
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| But should I die (and that may be preferred)
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| Take me out and bury me
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| And plant a tree right over me
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| So I may help someone escape the world
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| Yeah, I may help someone escape the world |