Lyrics I Was The Cutest Kid of All Time - Aziz Ansari

I Was The Cutest Kid of All Time

Do any of you have kids?
A Round of applause if you got kids somewhere.
Wow.
Aren’t you scared your kid’s getting kidnapped right now?
I mean, it’s like eleven o’clock on a Wednesday.
Where is your kid?!?
Seriously
Where is the kid?
Who’s watching the kid?
Probably some dumb 15 year old giving a hand job to some other 15 year old
idiot.
Seriously, get out of here!
Go!
Leave!
Leave!
Go!
You’re sitting here there «ah,
ha, ha, ha!»
Your kid’s in handcuffs!
Probably not.
Maybe, but probably not.
Look, I’m just saying.
I would be
constantly worried if I had a kid.
I think about how much my mom let me run
around when I was a kid.
Ten years old running around by myself;
going to the mall, to the video arcade, to the toy store.
Crazy.
I should’ve been getting molested all the time.
Like, I don’t know how it never
happened.
Not even once.
Not even once.
Keep in mind I was the cutest kid of all time.
Like, take the most adorable
little, brown puppy you can imagine, turn that into a person.
That was me as a
kid.