| Hit it boys
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| This is Russia’s premier state funded hotel
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| We’re very proud of our eclectic clientele
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| Excellence in service since 1932
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| Don’t believe what you read in the online reviews
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| It’s the Big House
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| The perfect getaway
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| Welcome into the Big House
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| You’ll never get away
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| It’s no Hilton or no Hyatt
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| But you will have a riot
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| So please enjoy your stay
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| Here’s the dining room, the menu is minimal
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| What the cook does to the food is criminal
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| Pull up a seat frog, grab yourself a stool
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| May I recommend you try our famous gruel
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| In the Big House
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| You’ll never be alone
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| Life ain’t bad in the Big House
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| No, froggy, no
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| Check out after ten
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| Or eleven years
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| Make yourself at home
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| Accommodation is far superior
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| Than anything else you will find in Siberia
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| Let me know if there’s anything you need
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| Everything is free, money back guaranteed
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| In the Big House, you will not survive
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| When you arrive in the Big House, run for your life
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| It’s the Big House
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| The perfect getaway
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| Welcome into the Big House
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| You’ll never get away
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| For your security
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| I’ll keep the only key
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| Now please enjoy your stay |