| Was a wet day in London, me fortunes were crumblin' | 
| I was on me way back from building the job | 
| And the foreman that day, he saw nothing may way | 
| And the lorry ran over the sandals, begob | 
| I was hungry and thirsty and felt a bit down | 
| I went in for a little libation | 
| I’d five pints of porter, three Jimmies for starters | 
| Two pork pies and what — | 
| Some cabbage and bacon | 
| Though the day, it was dreary | 
| Now I felt a bit cheery | 
| In no time I was ready for action, begob | 
| And I played the old jukebox | 
| Pulled up the old blue socks — | 
| And winked at this young woman beside me, begob | 
| Wouldn’t it be, it would happen to me | 
| She winked back and she sat down beside me | 
| I told her me name and she told me the same | 
| Says I to her, «What?» | 
| «Then what are ya drinkin'?» | 
| «Come here, me old flower» I said then to her | 
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar» | 
| «Come here, me old flower, I’ve seen ya before!» | 
| «Give the woman in the bed there more porter» | 
| She’d a gin and a tonic and I felt supersonic | 
| For her figure was maybe the devil, begon | 
| With curves in right places | 
| Through satins and laces | 
| That would tempt an old bishop | 
| Though celibate, begob | 
| Me luck might be in and tonight I might sin | 
| Though last week I was just at confession | 
| But who gives a damn | 
| Sure would do me no harm | 
| To have me a bit — | 
| A bit of diversion | 
| Well, I was playing it cool | 
| As I do as a rule — | 
| When the barman was calling for time now, begob | 
| And she said with her sweet face | 
| She’ll come back to my place | 
| Was then that I knew she was mine now, begob | 
| Her place it was lush | 
| With carpets so plush | 
| She took off me ol' cap — | 
| Then the wellies | 
| But old daddy delay | 
| She wore a sweet negligé | 
| Like the girls wear on what — | 
| (On what?!) | 
| On page three or telly | 
| «Come here, me old flower» | 
| I said then to her | 
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar» | 
| «Come here, me old flower, I’ve seen ya before!» | 
| «Give the woman in the bed there more porter» | 
| I don’t mean to be crude | 
| But I stood in the nude | 
| With this goddess, this beautiful Venus begob | 
| She ruffled me duffle | 
| We kissed and we shuffled | 
| What a sight if me ma only seen us begob | 
| I was feeling quite grand | 
| With the business at hand | 
| When this photo I saw on the dresser | 
| Was herself and this man | 
| Oh, with dirty big hands | 
| For her husband was who — | 
| (Was who?!) | 
| Was Wild Bill the wrestler | 
| Although she was charming | 
| I felt alarming | 
| He was mean as a hairy… | 
| Gorilla, begob! | 
| «If he caught me in bed | 
| With his woman», I said — | 
| «He'd kill me for sure | 
| I can tell ya, begob» | 
| She said, now, don’t worry | 
| For he’d never hurry | 
| Don’t seen him at all | 
| He’s a messer | 
| The door opened that night | 
| And I got such a fright | 
| In the doorway was who — | 
| (Was who?!) | 
| Was Wild Bill the wrestler | 
| «Come here, me old flower» | 
| I said then to her | 
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar» | 
| «Come here, me old flower, I’ve seen ya before!» | 
| «Give the woman in the bed there more porter» | 
| With rage he was steaming | 
| His eyes they were gleaming | 
| Like a wild bull, he charged over to me, begob | 
| But I ducked his wild pass | 
| Kick him in the ass | 
| And ran like a hare for the doorway, begob! | 
| I’d have gotten away | 
| Without any delay | 
| But I tripped and fell over the carpet | 
| When I tried to get up | 
| Well this dirty old pup — | 
| Grabbed me by the what — | 
| (The what?!) | 
| By the leg and he pulled it | 
| «Come here, me old flower» | 
| I said then to her | 
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar» | 
| Don’t believe this old yarn | 
| Don’t believe this old rhyme | 
| For I’m pulling your leg like he’s pulling mine | 
| Tooraloo, Tooralay, with your toorali oorali ay |