Song information On this page you can find the lyrics of the song Ted Mosby Is a Jerk, artist - The Solids.
Date of issue: 04.08.2008
Song language: English
Ted Mosby Is a Jerk |
Hello, everyone. |
I’d like to introduce myself. |
I’m a girl who just got screwed over by a guy |
A guy named Ted Mosby. |
Sure, he seemed nice at first, |
But I found out soon enough |
Ted Mosby is a jerk |
A big, stupid jerk |
And I’m going to tell you all about it. |
He treats you like a queen, |
And then he treats you mean. |
My friend, that’s how he works |
He gets inside your head |
I’m telling you that Ted |
Mosby is a jerk. |
Ted Mosby is a jerk. |
Ted Mosby is a jerk. |
Ted Mosby is a jerk. |
He seemed so great at first. |
He’s an architect, a great dresser, |
He smells really good. |
I thought he was the answer to my prayers |
I was wrong |
Because my dream turned into a nightmare. |
He says you’ll be his wife |
Then cuts you like a knife |
It drives a girl berserk |
And makes you want him dead |
I’m telling you that Ted |
Mosby is a jerk. |
Ted Mosby is a jerk. |
Ted Mosby is a jerk. |
Ted Mosby is a jerk. |
Are you happy, Ted Mosby, |
Knowing the pain you’ve caused me? |
You ruined my life. |
I thought we had something -- |
I thought we had a future together. |
I was wrong. |
Because you’re a liar, Ted Mosby, |
A cruel, evil liar. |
I can’t believe I actually thought that we had something. |
I even told my parents about you. |
Yeah, I told them, «Mom, Dad, I met a really nice guy today. |
I really think he’s something special.» |
But it was all just a cruel joke to you, wasn’t it, you jerk? |
I hate you so much with your stupid blond hair and your stupid suit. |
I hope you fall down a manhole and die. |
I hope you get run over by a steamroller. |
I hope someone drops a piano on you from a really, really, really high building. |
You make me sick, physically ill. |
You’re evil, Ted Mosby, |
And if I had one wish, just one chance to change something about the world, |
It would be this: |
That you were never born, |
That there was never a Ted Mosby. |
Do you hear me, Ted Mosby? |
I hate you. |
I hate you for what you’ve done |
And for what you will do |
And I’m going to make you pay. |
Somehow, somewhere, someday, |
You’re going to pay for what you’ve done. |
I’m totally serious, Ted Mosby, |
I hate you. |
I hate you so much. |
I have this burning hatred for you inside of me. |
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can only hate. |
And it’s all because of you. |
It’s because… |
I miss you. |
I miss … what we had together. |
Please call me. |
Please call me, Ted, please. |
I’m sorry, it’ll be better this time. |
It’ll be good. |
I’ll be good. |
I won’t push you away like I did before. |
I HATE YOU! |
I hate you… oh, God, I hate you, oh |
…make it stop… I'm sorry… Ted…Oh God, it hurts. |
What we had was so good. |
You know, It was something special. |
It only comes around once in a lifetime |
You know, that’s why |
I just… I got to let you know that you and me |
We belong together and |
I know you can’t see it clearly right now, |
But, you know, that’s why I’m here, you know, that |
Your clarity in the rough times |
Just take my word for it, Ted. |
I do. |
I will … forever. |
Just me and you. |
I’ve thought about our kids' names. |
I think we should have a lot of kids, like… ten. |
Hopefully all girls. |
Well, I don’t know, maybe one boy for you, but… you know. |
We can name him Ted Mosby. |
Ted Mosby II or III or whatever you are, I don’t know. |
I mean, you’ve got a great name: Ted Mosby. |
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that name, |
Like over and over and over… |
«Ted Mosby, Ted Mosby.» |
I’ve written it all over my walls. |
It’s really pretty! |
You should come over and look, |
It’s like, «I should be a graffiti artist!» |
Oh my God. |
I’m so glad we got here because, you know, |
I feel like I can be honest now, and … and… |
And I know we have a good relationship |
If I feel able to tell you anything that’s on my mind, |
And … um… I love you. |
I do. |
I love you. |
I … I love you, Ted Mosby. |
And I have a little surprise for you: |
You… you love me, too! |
You do. |
Maybe you don’t see it right now, but you do. |
You… you love me. |
Because I’m your destiny |
And you’re my destiny. |
And we’re going to be together. |
And we’re going to be happy, and that’s why this is so hard. |
It’s… it’s infuriating to watch you pretend this isn’t real. |
You’re such a jerk! |
I love you, Ted, but you’re such a jerk! |
Why do you do this to me, Ted? |
Why are you doing this to us? |
You’re taking this beautiful thing that we have and… and you’re destroying it. |
And that hurts, Ted. |
It hurts. |
It makes me sick to my stomach. |
Oh, God. |
I think I have to puke. |
Excuse me… |
I think that was Mexican |
Oh… oh, God, you’re unbelieveable. |
Oh… shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off… |
Euhhhhhh |
Euhhhhhh |
I think I need to exercise, get this out of my system |
Oh yeah |
Okay |
I’m good |
Ted, I hate you. |
You hurt me, Ted. |
You… you took so much from me. |
You stole my pride. |
You stole my dignity. |
You stole my innocence. |
You… you stole my heart. |
You stole my umbrella. |
Yeah, I know you took it, you jerk. |
I had it, and now it’s gone. |
Where is it, Ted? |
Why don’t you bring it back? |
Wait… nevermind. |
Sorry, I found it. |
It was under my bed. |
Mystery solved! |
But it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a jerk, Ted and |
I’m going to kill you, Yeah, I’m going to kill you, jerk. |
I’m going to kill you, Ted. |
I’m going to kill you, oh yeah. |
I’m going to kill you. |
Die, die… die, die, die. |
Die, go away |
Wait, come back. |
No, die, die. |
How do you want to die? |
Can I? |
What’s your pleasure? |
Ted, Can you please call me? |
I love you, I love you, I love you. |
Call me soon. |
Miss you! |
I heart you. |
1−4-3. |
I love you. |
I… I… I … I l-l-l-l-l-l-love you |
I love you, I love you so bad. |
I love you, Ted Mosby, I love you, I love you |
I love you, with all of my heart, oh yeah, oh yeah-ah-ah |
I love you, I love you, I love the way you look at me, too. |
I do, I love you, |
I… I… I… I… I… I… hate you. |
I hate you, I hate you so bad, I hate you, I hate the way you look at me |
It’s so sad. |
So sad, so so so so so so bad. |
It makes me ma-a-a-a-a-ad |
It makes it bad, it makes it so bad. |
I love you, love you. |
I lo-o-o-o-o-o-ve you. |
I love you, my baby, my sweet. |
Ooh, ooh, ooh. |
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I ha-a-a-a-a-a-te you |
I hate you, I hate everything about you, I hate you, |
I hate everything about you, I do |
And I will make sure that you di-i-i-i-i-ie. |
You. |
you will… you will die. |
I know the truth about you, Ted Mosby. |
You look, and act, and talk like a real human being, but I know what you really |
are. |
You’re a Cylon, and your only goal is total annihilation of the entire human |
race. |
I talked to my best friend, Dr. Baltar, and he told me, so don’t tell me that |
you love me. |
Don’t tell me that you have feelings, you can’t have feelings. |
You’re a frakkin toaster! |
I love you |
I hate you |
I love you |
I HATE YOU! |
I love you |
I HATE YOU!!! |
I love you |
Hate you! |
Lo-o-o-o-ve you |
I hate you |
I love you |
I ha-a-a-a-a-a-te you |
I hate you and hope that you break down and die, die, di-i-ie |
And if you don’t, I’ll kill you, I will, I really will… |
It won’t be the first time, I’ve done it before. |
Oh yeah, but that’s another |
song. |
(That's another song) |
Oh yeah, that’s another song |
(That's another song) |
I’ll tell you about that next time |
(oooh) |
Yeah |
(Oooh, that’s another song) |
Part III |
By the way, Ted, my parents are coming in to town next week, and it would be |
great if you could come and have dinner with us. |
I know that you and I are |
going through a little bit of a rough patch, but I want them to see that I’m |
doing fine here in New York, and that you DO exist, and that I don’t need to |
that stupid hospital in St. Louis where the guys in the white jackets are |
trying to kill me. |
They feed me these, spiders, Ted -- these, these, |
these poisonous spiders -- and also, I just really want you to meet my mom, |
because she’s heard so much about you and she wants to thank you for the |
sweater you got her for Christmas. |
I picked it out and wrapped it for you, |
sweetie, so don’t worry about it, just nod and play along, and do NOT let them |
give me any kind of pill or medicine, because that’s how it all went down last |
time. |
I don’t need medicine, I AM the medicine. |
God put me here to tell you |
that you can’t do this to people, Ted Mosby. |
You can’t walk through life |
thinking your actions have no repercussions! |
All actions have consequences, |
no matter how quietly they reverberate through the universe. |
You can flap your |
butterfly wings, Ted Mosby, and pretend there’s no storm in China, |
but I say unto you that there is a storm, and it’s a hurricane, |
and it’s growing, and it’s building in size and scope, and soon it will be at |
your door, And when it comes no one will be saved. |
The blood of the innocents |
will stain the street like that of the wicked. |
The cross shall be a sword. |
The seven lions shall be unleashed. |
The brimstone will fall on the land. |
And lo, the angels shall gnash their fiery teeth … eternal reckoning and |
unholy consummation … stripped and left naked lying among the wastes… |
ten years of darkness, Ted Mosby! |
I hate you, I hate you! |
You filthy rotten bastard, I hope you die! |
You die! |
You make me sick |
Why won’t you just leave me alone and die… die… |
oh hang on a second… |
(Hello? What? I’m not making any noise. No, that’s not me. No, it’s NOT me. |
You clearly DON’T know my voice… I don’t know, I’ve never even heard of the |
guy… look, I’ve got better things to do than sit around and write songs about |
some guy named Ted Mosby, okay? |
I’ve got to go.) |
Uh, Ted, I got to go. |
But in closing, I hate you, I want you to die, |
and when you die, you go to hell, and when you get there, I hope the devil |
turns you on a spit over a hot flame for eternity. |
Oh, uh, one more thing -- |
that night, you got me pregnant. |
Congratulations, you’re a dad! |
Okay… |
Okay, I’m kidding. |
But wouldn’t it be cool if we had kids? |
Think about it. |
I HATE YOU! |