| One smoky day in a darkened scullery | 
| Doon by the river in a factory town | 
| Where bad things happen & the walls are drippn' | 
| And the ghosts are flittin' frae the cold hard ground | 
| A pot & kettle on the hob were settled | 
| A' hissin' their patter so bileous cruel | 
| An awfy matter o' clout & claterin' | 
| Battlin' wits in a hideous duel | 
| Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a lowly villain' | 
| 'You're a terrible liar' | 
| 'But we’re both here cookin' on the same old fire' | 
| Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a chanty pot' | 
| 'And you’re a shite for brains' | 
| 'But we’re both here hangin' on the same old chains' | 
| «I've roasted a wealth of exotic things | 
| All torn to ribbons at the hands of kings | 
| Polished copper how I proudly shone | 
| Stealin the fire of the blazing sun» | 
| «Ye've boilt nae mair’n 'em old soup bones | 
| Ive boilt the tea for them stately homes | 
| I were rattled like a drum each Hogmanay | 
| Then scrubbed tae the devil on the follwin' day» | 
| Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a lowly villain' | 
| 'You're a terrible liar' | 
| 'But we’re both here cookin' on the same old fire' | 
| Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a chanty pot' | 
| 'And you’re a shite for brains' | 
| 'But we’re both here hangin' on the same old chains' | 
| Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a lowly villain' | 
| 'You're a terrible liar' | 
| 'But we’re both here cookin' on the same old fire' | 
| Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a chanty pot' | 
| 'And you’re a shite for brains' | 
| 'But we’re both here hangin' on the same old chains' | 
| «O kettle yer metal is a terrible hue | 
| Riddled wi' holes cannae hold yer brew | 
| Yer lids all crooked & yer sides bashed in | 
| It’ll no be long afore ye see the bin» | 
| «Pot your not so bright as me | 
| A hags old cauldron is all you’d be | 
| You reek o' gruel & you’re none too young | 
| Fit for to carry but the peels & dung» | 
| Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a lowly villain' | 
| 'You're a terrible liar' | 
| 'But we’re both here cookin' on the same old fire' | 
| Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're an old piss bucket' | 
| 'You're a dented can' | 
| 'But we’re neither as black as that roasting pan.' | 
| Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a lowly villain' / 'But we’re neither as black' | 
| 'You're a terrible liar' | 
| 'But we’re both here cookin' on the same old fire' / 'But we’re neither as | 
| black as that roasting pan.' | 
| Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a chanty pot' | 
| 'And you’re a shite for brains' | 
| 'But we’re both here hangin' on the same old chains' | 
| Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a lowly villain' / 'But we’re neither as black' | 
| 'You're a terrible liar' | 
| 'But we’re both here cookin' on the same old fire' / 'But we’re neither as | 
| black as that roasting pan.' | 
| Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam | 
| Life ain’t nothin but a fevered dream | 
| 'You're a chanty pot' / 'But we’re neither as black' | 
| 'And you’re a shite for brains' | 
| 'But we’re both here hangin' on the same old chains' / 'But we’re neither as | 
| black as that roasting pan.' |