| STAR:
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| Norman’s office got on my nerves to-day
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| WIFE:
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| What do you mean? |
| You are Norman!
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| STAR:
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| (Shouts) I am a star!
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| WIFE:
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| You’re not a star Norman. |
| You’re just a plain ordinary little bloke and even if
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| you walked down the street in a silver suit people still wouldn’t recognise you.
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| You’re dull, ordinary and uninteresting! |
| You’re a drag!
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| STAR:
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| I hate this house and I hate you, but more than anything else I hate those
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| ducks!
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| WIFE:
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| Don’t you touch those ducks Norman! |
| They were a present from my mother.
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| Look, Norman, I’ve had enough of you and your ridiculous fantasies.
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| First of all you wanted to be a painter, then you wanted to be an astronaut,
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| then a footballer and now you’re playing at being a rock singer.
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| If you touch those ducks I’m leaving!
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| My baby’s got the most deplorable taste
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| But her biggest mistake
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| Is hanging over the fireplace
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| She’s got ducks, ducks on the wall
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| Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall
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| My lady’s got a sort of strange fascination
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| An obsessive fixation
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| For cheap decorations
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| She’s got ducks, ducks on the wall
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| Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall
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| Wo-wo-wo I love her so but if she doesn’t move the ducks
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| I think my mind is gonna go
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| Ducks ducks on the wall
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| Ducks ducks, hanging on the wall
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| I leave the office and I want to relax
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| Don’t want to stare at a wall
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| And look at a duck that can’t quack
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| I love you baby but I can’t fall
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| For those ducks on the wall
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| I start to snuggle up and squeeze her so tight
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| Then out of the corner of my eye
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| I see those ducks in flight
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| I love you baby but I can’t ball
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| When I see those ducks on the wall
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| Wo-wo-wo I can sit through your gossip and your soap opera shows
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| But those ducks have got to go
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| I love you baby but I can’t ball
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| When I see those ducks on the wall
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| And when I went to a cocktail party
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| With the bores next door
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| What was the first thing that I saw?
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| Ducks, ducks on the wall
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| Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall
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| My baby’s got the most deplorable taste
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| But her biggest mistake
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| Is hanging over the fireplace
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| She’s got ducks, ducks on the wall
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| Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall
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| I’ll sit and look at all the soap operas with her
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| I’ll play all the panel games and watch all the quiz shows
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| But those ducks they’ve got to go
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| Those ducks are getting up my nose
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| If those ducks can fly, well so can I
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| And if those ducks have got to stay
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| Then I’m going to fly away
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| I love you baby but I can’t ball
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| When I see those ducks on the wall
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| Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall
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| Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall
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| Oh those ducks on the wall are beginning to move
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| They’re talking to me
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| I’ve got to get away from those ducks |