Lyrics Chief Inspector Blancheflower - The Fiery Furnaces

Chief Inspector Blancheflower

I wanted to be a typewriter mender when I grew up
But things didn’t work out so.
Sleep
Late in the morning, climb up Mt. Olympia and replace a Return:
But I didn’t get enough good grades
My uncle Peter had the Parthenon Business Machine Remediation outfit
And right there, on the shop floor
Hundreds of electric Selectrics, all messed up
But I didn’t get enough good grades
I had a dexadrine hyperactivity selective
Attend to relevant
Information tempo taken in told to
Mechanism coping concept
Put my head down crumple my paper
Sent to look at the future-job folder-binders
I got distracted by the graphs
In the resource room Mrs. Petorsky re-enforced me:
Raisins from her Ziploc bag
And free time after my target behavior I was positive about:
Tickets, tangibles, chips and stars
Now playing I’m In My Own Little House:
Tickets, tangibles, chips and stars
I had a dexadrine hyperactivity selective
Attend to relevant
Information tempo taken in told to
Mechanism coping concept
Put my head down crumple my paper
After school I was sitting in the sitting room
Looking out at the pavers in their bright orange vests
Holding up the slow-go diamond piece of plastic wood
And I knew that I’d never be any good
And never wear a hard-hat and do things like that
So I joined the police force:
Damp in Dumbarton dip about the 14th of May
The publican dropped me a line thought there had been foul play:
The farmer up the hill came in with his knife
He mumbled something darkly about his young wife
Riding up on the postcoach I thrummed on my notebook
The wind was up, I held on my hat.
I do up my coat, look:
The farmer stumbled past holding his gun
He mumbled something darkly about his young son
About your wife, sir
What about her?
Pray, where is she?
Nowhere you’ll see
Locked him up in the store room of Mrs. McVeigh’s Inn
Take tea up in the manor Sir Robert Grayson
The farmer through the window came in with his sword;
He mumbled out of breath Forgive me m’lord
And after that rustic imposition I took a deposition
I shared a Woodpecker Cider with a local fratricider
Who told me all this stuff and more:
Well I rode up to Springfield on my motorcycle
And I’s gonna stay with my younger brother Michael
Mom’s Oxycontins and the Amstel Light
But I noticed I was doing most of the talking that night
So I got both remotes and turned off the DVD
And said Michael is there something that you need to say to me?
Well I don’t know how to tell you
You can tell me any
Thing that you want 'cept «I started seeing Jenny»:
I started seeing Jenny
My Jenny?
And he looked down at the floor
You know damn well she ain’t your Jenny no more
And I said Get her on the phone
Don’t you think it’s a little late?
No I don’t think it’s a little late
But I went out the room cause I knew I’d better wait
So I went down to her dad’s bakery and she said
I’m gonna go outside take a break smoke a cigarette
I’m still surprised at how mad you get
Well what’d you expec'?
That you wouldn’t try to wreck your little brother’s happiness
And I said Listen to you!
I know what you’re trying to do
And what whould that be?
Mess with Michael’s head as some kind of revenge back at me
So I drove up to Springfield in my wife’s new car
And I went’n had a drink at my buddy’s old bar