| Start off in the womb, yeah, where it’s nice and warm
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| Things are lookin' good, then it’s time to be born
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| Doctor pulls you out and slaps you on the butt
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| And before you know it your umbilical cord is cut
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| Drag you from your mama, wheel you down the hall
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| Room full of babies, who just lie there and bawl
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| Lyin' in a diaper, feelin' like a fool
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| Things’ll get much worse when it’s time to go to school
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| You’re crammed into a classroom with 30 other kids
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| Good you get nothing — bad you get hit
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| Nobody likes you and the classroom is cold
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| Stuck with a textbook that’s 35 years old
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| Bullies beat you up, teacher puts you down
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| Sittin' in the corner don’t dare make a sound
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| If you learn one thing, better learn to curse
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| 'Cuz from now on, life gets even worse
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| Now that you are 30, better get a job
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| You will buy a house, you will buy a Saab
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| Get up in the morning, you will feel like dyin'
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| As the years go rollin' by, you will lose your mind
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| You were once a young man, now you’re turnin' grey
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| Listening to people talkin' 'bout the Judgment Day
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| Now you’ve retired, goodbye to the job
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| And you’ve lost your teeth, goodbye corn-on-the-cob
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| Look back on your life and all the things you did
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| Standin' in the yard, yellin' at the kids
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| Now you’re kickin' back, you don’t have a care
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| Time to see the world from your Craft-matic chair
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| You’ll move to Arizona where all the old folks go
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| You will vote Republican, you’ll see UFO’s
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| Then one day you die, find yourself in Hell
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| With the lake-o'-fire and that awful brimstone smell
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| You were really good, but you weren’t good enough
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| Living ain’t so easy, dying’s really tough
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| Now look around, see how it’s gonna be
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| Yes, my friend, you’re screwed for all eternity |