Lyrics Everybody Ought to Have a Maid - Stephen Sondheim

Everybody Ought to Have a Maid

Maids like me.
I’m neat
I like maids.
They’re neat
Something no household should be without
(sung)
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a working girl
Everybody ought to have a lurking girl
To putter around the house
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a menial
Consistantly congenial
And quieter than a mouse
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delicious
Tidying up the dishes
Neat as a pin
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delightful
Sweeping out
Sleeping in
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a maid
Someone who you hire when you’re short of help
To offer you the sort of help
You never get from a spouse
Fluttering up the stairway
Shuttering up the windows
Cluttering up the bedroom
Buttering up the master
Puttering all around the house!
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delicious
Tidying up the dishes
Neat as a pin
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delightful
Sweeping out
Sleeping in
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a maid
Someone who in fetching you your slipper will
Be winsome as a whippoorwill
And graceful as a grouse
Skittering down the hallway
Flittering through the parlor
Tittering in the pantry
Littering up the bedroom
Twittering all around the house!
A maid?
A maid
A maid
A maid!
Everybody ought to have a maid
Everybody ought to have a serving-girl
A loyal and unswerving girl
Whose quieter than a mouse
Oh, oh, think of her at the dustbin
'Specially when she’s just been
Traipsing about
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delightful
Living in
Giving out
Everybody ought to have a maid
Daintily collecting bits of paper n' strings
Appealing in her apron strings
And graceful as a grouse
Pattering through the attic
Chattering in the cellar
Clattering in the kitchen
Flattering in the bedroom
Puttering all around the house!
The house!
The house!
The house!
The house!
A maid?
A maid
A maid
A maid!
Everybody ought to have a maid
Someone who’s efficient and reliable
Obedient and pliable
And quieter than a mouse!
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be so nimble
Fiddling with her thimble
Mending her gown
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delightful
Cleaning up
Leaning down
Everybody ought to have a maid
Someone who’ll be busy as a bumblebee
And even if you grumble, be
As graceful as a grouse
Wriggling in the anteroom
Jiggling in the dining room
Giggling in the living room
Wiggling in the other rooms
Puttering all around the house!
The house!
The house!
The house!
The house!