Lyrics No Place Like London - Stephen Sondheim

No Place Like London

I have sailed the world
beheld its wonders
from the Dardanelles,
to the mountains of Peru,
But there’s no place like London!
I feel home again…
I could hear the city bells ring…
Whatever would I do?
No there’s…
Sweeney Todd
No place like London…
Antony (spoken)
Mr. Todd, sir
Sweeney Todd
You are young…
Life has been kind to you…
You will learn.
(Spoken) 'Tis here we go our seperate ways.
Farewell Antony.
I will not soon forget the good ship bountiful, nor the young man who saved my life.
Antony
(Spoken) There’s no cause to thank me for that, sir.
It would have been a poor Christian indeed who would have spotted you
pinching and tossing on that raft and not given the alarm.
Sweeney Todd
(Spoken)
There’s many a Christian would’ve done just that and not lost a winks sleep
over it either.
Beggar Woman
(Sung) Alms, alms for a miserable woman, on a miserable chilly mornin'!
Thank ya, sir, thank ya…
How would ya like a little muff,
dear a little jig-jig,
a little bounce around the bush!
Wouldn’t ya like to push me parsley?
It looks to me, dear, that you’ve got plenty there to push!
Alms, alms for a pitiful woman…
what’s got wandering wits?
Hey!
DOn’t I know you, mister?
Sweeney Todd
Must you glare at me, woman?
Off with you!
Off I say!
Beggar Woman
Then how would ya like to split me muff?
Mister, we’ll go jig-jig!
A little…
Sweeney Todd
Off I said!
To the devil with you!
Beggar Woman
Alms, alms for a pitiful woman!
Antony (Spoken)
Pardon me, sir, but there’s no need to fear the likes of her,
she’s only a half-crazed beggar woman…
London’s full of them.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
I beg your indulgance, boy, my mind is far from easy.
For in the once familiar streets I feel a chill of ghostly shadows everywhere.
Forgive me.
Antony (spoken)
There is nothing to forgive.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
Farewell, Antony.
Antony (spoken)
Mr. Todd, before we part…
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
What is it?
Antony (spoken)
I have honored my promise never to question you.
Whatever brought you to that sorry shipwreck is your affair and yet, over
many weeks of our voyage home,
I’ve come to think of you as a friend,
and if trouble lies ahead for you in London, if you
need any help… or money.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
No!
(sung)
There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it and its morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit
and it goes by the name of London.
At the top of the hole sit the privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed…
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there’s no place like London!
There was a barber and his wife
and she was beautiful…
a foolish barber and his wife.
She was his reason for his life…
and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous.
And he was nieve.
There was another man who saw
that she was beautiful…
A biased vulture of the law
who, with a gesture of his claw
removed the barber from his plate!
And there was nothing but to wait!
And she would fall!
So soft!
So young!
So lost and oh so beautiful!
Antony (spoken)
The lady, sir… did she succumb?
Sweeney Todd (sung)
Ah, that was many years ago…
I doubt if anyone would know.
(spoken)
Now leave me, Antony.
There is somewhere I must go,
something i must find out.
Now, and alone.
Antony (spoken)
But surely we will meet again before I am off to Plymouth?
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
If you want you may well find me around Fleet Street.
I wouldn’t wander.
(sung)
There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
and it’s filled with people who are filled with shit!
And the vermin of the world inhabit it!