| She looks at me and says that she can’t help but feel depressed
|
| But darling, looking at the life we’ve been given, how could you feel any less
|
| than grateful?
|
| Sometimes it’s hard to feel thankful for something when all it reminds you of
|
| are the times when you had nothing left to give
|
| The times that ate you alive to the point where you questioned if you wanted to
|
| live
|
| As she looked for all the bad that she could, it hid all of the good that
|
| reigned true
|
| Looking only for the downsides and faults of everything, but with eyes half open
|
| Not seeing all that she had been given, but only what she wanted
|
| And when I told her that that life that we had created in our dreams could
|
| never be, she finally gave way and fell to her knees
|
| The stones covering the ground sank into her bones, like the pain that those
|
| words carried as they dug into her back
|
| Those words etched with the date in September, remained as a permanent reminder
|
| for what she lost
|
| But after all was said and done, I was the one that walked away with the most
|
| pain
|
| I was the one that walked away knowing that I had ruined any chance that I had
|
| at actually being happy
|
| I thought this was what she wanted, I thought this was what I needed to finally
|
| make something of my empty, drawn-out life…
|
| Maybe it’s because I find happiness in sorrow, or the fact that I’ve never let
|
| anything good blossom in my life.
|
| No matter the reasoning, the fact of the matter is… I’m alone again.
|
| Chasing away my pride and joy just so the pit in my stomach can grow an inch
|
| deeper each day.
|
| And with every single inch that it grows, and every single cigarette that
|
| touches my lips, I find it harder to make it through another day
|
| That short buzz sure does the trick, but after packs a day you can watch
|
| yourself as you literally decay
|
| I’ve seen myself fall apart more than I’d like to admit.
|
| Sometimes almost like a standby, watching everything that I once loved come
|
| crashing down and fall at my feet.
|
| But I think the worst part was… that I felt nothing.
|
| Not even sadness or guilt, or anything that reminded me of being human.
|
| I was numb to everything and everyone.
|
| I had lost the only part of me that could still feel
|
| And yet I continued to push you away
|
| Maybe I thought it’d bring peace or some kind of feeling back in my life
|
| But when you chase out all of the light in your life, you also let the dark
|
| replace it…
|
| I never thought that I’d see the day, as I watch myself destroy the better part
|
| of me
|
| Cutting off what I lack hoping that it would bring clarity.
|
| Seeking what life would be like only half lived
|
| But regardless of what I sought after, the fact of the matter is…
|
| I’m alone again |