| A man sits down to write a letter, but instead he writes a book
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| The book begins, Dear Sir, I don’t know if you’re interested, but
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| Your wife is a whore…
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| A man gets on a train and proceeds to take all his clothes off
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| He begins to play with himself-and he says
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| In my country, this is definitely not offensive…
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| A man pours petrol through his neighbour’s letterbox and throws in a match
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| Soon the house isengulfed in flames
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| As the neighbors jump
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| From the upstairs window he films the whole thing on video
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| He plays it back to them later in hospital
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| Things have been pretty dull
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| At home without you, he says…
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| A man pushes a lawnmower two hundred miles on his knees
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| To the tomb of the unknown gardener
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| Great One, he cries
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| I have done my penance
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| I bring my offering
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| Grant me-grant me-
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| Pest-free roses
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| Psycho Street, frinedly people down on
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| Psycho Street, good neighbours
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| Down on Psycho Street
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| If you need a hand, need a friend, we understand
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| If you need a pal, we’ll be there, any how
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| Psycho Street
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| A man stakes his neighbour’s ct to the barbecue
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| And turns on the gas
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| Now are you going to talk he says
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| Or am I going to have to get nasty…
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| A man has an inflatable doll made that looks exactly like his wife
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| He murders his wife, dissolves her body in acid, and marries the doll
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| Three years later he leaves her
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| For another doll…
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| A man hands his son a brick and says, son
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| Throw this brick through the greenhouse next door
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| The boy does
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| The boy next door throws one back
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| It hits the man on the head and mortally wounds him
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| Ah well, he says as his lifeblood trickles away
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| Boys will be boys…
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| A thoughtful woman sends her best friend a parcel
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| Inside, it says, is a free sample
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| Full body beauty treatment, but it really contains acids and chemicalls
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| When her friend tries it, her hair falls out
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| Her face is wrinkled and her body scarred
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| The thoughtful turns to her husband and winks, and says
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| Pre-emptive strike |