Lyrics The Pendant of Kultainen -

The Pendant of Kultainen

Kevin: That they’re all idiots.
What about you?
Abi: Well I’m getting a really interesting read off this Kultainen pendant
Kevin: Ryvyr, what can you tell us of this thing?
Ryvyr: They shouldn’t have it
Kevin: Right.
Got it, but what is it?
Ryvyr: Oh, you know I have the perfect story for just this occasion!
Storytime!
Story story story storytime (it's storytime)
All right yeah baby baby yeah
Story story story storytime (it's storytime)
All night long, oh yeah!
Years ago a volcano spread a famin though our land
The goblin tribe tried to surviv, but there was little food at hand
Muk muk mash was all they had to eat but every day at dawn
A herd of poro ran right by, but no one could wake up in time
A stimulant might do the trick to get the hunters on their feet
But goblins, sad to say, cannot score either meth or tea
The pendant weaves these golden leaves
That we seep and use for tea
Like the peekabees (?) so happy we will be
Golden leaves will make our tea
The pendant weaves so carefully
And then merrily upon our feet we’ll be
The Shaman set upon a quest to the mountains of Samu
And in its crags there lived a hag with magic gifts that they might use
The hag said, «if I give a gift, the pendant of Kultainen then
A quid pro quo you must bestow a favor in return you give»
The court of hags would meet at last and all a pedicure would love
So she agreed though their foul feet were rancid, gnarled and macabre
I don’t mean to make a scene about the court of hags foul feet
But they were really really I’m not trying to body shame but a little personal
hygiene goes a long long way cause trust me their feet were really really gross
and stinky
Though she puked a time or two, she triumphed, brought the pendant back
The goblins we could make our tea, and hunt the poro meat at last
The pendant weaves these golden leaves
That we seep and use for tea
Like the peeka bees so happy we will be
Golden leaves will make our tea
The pendant weaves so carefully
And then merrily upon our feet we’ll be
Story story story storytime (it's storytime)
Oh yeah oh yeah
Story story story story (it's storytime)
All night long, all night
Kevin: So the pendant makes gold leaves
Ryvyr: That we use for tea
Abi: You make tea from gold?
Ryvyr: It’s amazing
Kevin: Well something that manufactures gold is definitely--
Whoa what happened to the lights?
Why did the lights go out?
Ryvyr: Everyone’s gone!
Kevin: Oh no, they all fled we’re gonna have to--
Abi: That’s not the most interesting thing happening right now
Kevin: It’s not?
Abi: No, the appearance of a time door is
Kevin: Time door?
Abi: Right there
Kevin: I don’t see anything
Abi: I promise you there is a time door right over there
Kevin: How is there a time door?
Abi: Well there’s two likely explanations.
It was opened by a person
Kevin: Right
Abi: Or a thing
Kevin: A thing
Abi: Like for instance the pendant
Kevin: Wh- wait wait wait.
How can a pendant open a time door
Abi: You’re assuming pendants don’t possess consciousness
Kevin: What?
How can a pendant possess consciousness?
Abi: Asks the talking mouse
Kevin: Huh.
Abi: I’m picking up a call from the pendant from the doorway
Kevin: It wants us to go through the door?
Abi: Kazam
Kevin: Did you just say Kazam?
Abi: Yeah, I’m thinking it--
Abi and Kevin: Could be my (your) new catchphrase
Kevin: Yeah yeah yeah, we’ll deal with that atrocity in a second.
Do we--
Ryvyr: It is imperative that we retrieve my people’s sacred relic
Abi: If the pendant is calling to us across time, we should follow
Kevin: Well I’ve never seen a bad idea I didn’t go rushing headlong towards