| The deaths he caused were accidents
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| He committed no murder
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| Oh yes, some died of fright when they woke up in the night
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| To find a leopard in the room where they’d been lain after the feast
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| They should have known, those silly fools, the beast was tame
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| Heliogabalus wasn’t to blame
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| For the deaths I’m illustrating in this quilt
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| Heliogabalus cannot share any guilt
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| Cannot share any guilt
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| Some lived to suffocate under the suffocating weight
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| Of a thousand fresh-cut blooms
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| He sent cascading from the ceiling of his room
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| Upon a crowd of his admirers
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| How was he to know some sybarites
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| Would drown beneath the flowers?
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| If a parasite can’t swim should we blame him?
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| He was blond, he had blue eyes, he was completely without guilt
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| As I intend to demonstrate in my Heliogabalus quilt
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| They condemn his four year reign, his naked chariot team
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| The deadly snakes released in the forum at the climax of the games
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| His nights of gay debauchery, rushing through the slums
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| Disguised as tavern potboys, perfume sellers, barbers
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| Such exaggeration, such slanders!
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| If you’d been emperor of Rome at the age of just 15
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| Wouldn’t you have done the same?
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| So why then does his name
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| Retain the mantle of the evil always claimed by joyless vultures
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| To explain the strange allure other cultures?
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| Heliogabalus wasn’t to blame
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| He was beautiful and sexy and completely without guilt
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| As I intend to demonstrate right here in this quilt
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| Condemn me freely if you wish
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| But when my quilt is finished
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| I intend to sleep as soundly and as well
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| As Heliogabalus in hell |