| I was born in the town of Paisley in early 1960
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| And placed in the care of an old eternal bachelor
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| A strict disciplinarian, a passionate antiquarian
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| His collection of myths and legends was spectacular
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| As a younger man he’d been to see Japan
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| Where a master in a white kimono taught him
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| In a shining moment the myth of the bishonen
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| The youthful hero doomed to fall like blossom
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| And how could I forgive the ugly fugitive
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| Who brought me up according to a fantasy?
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| For when the old man stared at me
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| He drowned in evil beauty
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| Thinking of the early death in store for me
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| He taught me to be good with words, he bought me ceremonial swords
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| And in this way came grace and expertise
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| The words were to cut down and to kill the muscle-bound
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| The swords to fell my intellectual enemies
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| And women should be hated but first impersonated
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| Charm, he said, is essential to misogyny
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| He taught me how to woo the girls in order to outdo the girls
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| And the fun would come when I’d got them to love me
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| And how could I resist the old misogynist
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| Who brought me up according to a fantasy?
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| My softness and fragility
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| My feminine grace and delicacy
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| Made death himself afraid for me
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| And so in time I grew to be blond and beautiful
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| Pale and frail, with many male admirers
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| I was promised by my father a retainer for a partner
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| So loyal that nothing could divide us
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| Shocked by my suggestion that I’d rather have a woman
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| My stepfather replied I had no choice
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| This man would cut his entrails open protecting his bishonen
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| He informed me in a solemn, trembling voice
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| How could I disobey that surreptitious gay
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| Who brought me up according to a fantasy?
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| For when the old man stared at me
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| He drowned in evil beauty
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| Thinking of the early death in store for me
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| So me and my retainer encountered many dangers
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| On travels through the North and through the South
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| We ripped open the bellies of many famous bullies
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| And our reputation spread by word of mouth
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| In the mountains of Morocco we stopped and shared a bottle
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| With a blind old man with a bearded, bandaged face
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| And though the sun had sunk and the man was very drunk
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| He seemed to speak with my stepfather’s voice
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| Saying «How could you forget the aging martinet
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| Who brought you up according to a fantasy?
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| Your softness and fragility
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| Your feminine grace and delicacy
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| Will be the death of me»
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| Surprised at 28 to find myself so late
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| Changing from a boy into a man
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| I’m starting to feel guilty that nobody has killed me
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| Early as my stepfather had planned
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| I’ve found myself a girl and stopped roaming the world
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| My retainer’s gone to be a mercenary
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| Now I work in a merchant bank, I’m well-liked by the senior ranks
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| Though behind my back the juniors call me fairy
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| And how can I placate the ugly reprobate
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| Who brought me up according to a fantasy?
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| For when the old man stared at me
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| He drowned in evil beauty
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| Thinking of the early death in store for me
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| I stay awake some nights when my wife turns off the lights
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| And starts breathing regularly next to me
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| And I think of fallen petals and bodies pierced by metal
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| And how I’ll never now fulfill my destiny
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| Father spare my shame, let me pass my name
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| To a boy with greater beauty and more bravery
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| For if I have a son I’m going to raise him to die young
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| And lay him in the grave that you prepared for me |