| We have a fuckin', uh, incredible show for you tonight
|
| Pardon me for saying «Fuckin'» on network television—
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| I’m not gonna have this job for long—It's Exile!
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| It’s me, it’s you. |
| These are our guests
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| Let’s go. |
| Yeah
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| I gave up and became a Spotify-er
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| Paying myself a fraction of a penny playing «Qualifiers»
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| I’m looking up and I’m stuck in a Chucky movie
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| Saying yucky shit for chuckles like it’s Lucky Louie
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| So somebody better cancel me
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| Before I get a chance to screen this ass-naked dance routine
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| It’s dark comedy, cold as a soldier’s stare
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| I’ve been exposed, so now the LOLs is my over-wear
|
| And I’m a polar bear with words for a fancy song
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| I think it’s the first verse from Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
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| Fuck you, I like the Spin Doctors
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| Is that dude Finn’s father or just an impostor?
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| The new internet thing’s to be pretend awkward
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| Non-prescription, thick-rimmed frames and rented gym lockers
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| I’m a rapper, we lament being broke
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| All the comics get money, but they spend it on coke
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| You can watch us on the newsfeeds
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| Fucking y’all’s mornings up
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| Until America admits that it likes dogs more than us
|
| And I can see the Super Bowls of the future:
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| The Ferguson blacks vs. Missouri State Troopers
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| The privacy rights vs. the personal computers
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| Concussion researchers vs. university boosters
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| I graduated college, I purchased all the extra books
|
| I’m supposed to be living in a house with a breakfast nook
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| Joke’s on me, though
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| All this cheap alcohol and no Coke Zero
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| Ashamed how proximity kills yo heroes
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| Hey, yo, no poking, I’m still woke, Cee-Lo
|
| Yeah, It’s all ripped from the headlines
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| I’m all outta options like a Crip on the red line
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| I got a deadline, before I never had a deal
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| Stormed out of business meetings, slipped on mass banana peels
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| I should probably shut my stupid mouth
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| Shirtless in a fur hat and Vladimir Putin pout
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| And North Korea’s got practice missiles
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| And I still check Yahoo cause we both got attachment issues
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| Our Congress moves just like a cult could
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| Invade Iraq 15 times in my adulthood
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| And we quit asking for the reasons
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| And clicked the Constitution’s terms of service agreements
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| We’re dreaming from sundown to high noon
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| And woke up by U2 albums all in your iTunes
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| And it’s close to a all out war
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| With kids being murdered just for being black and tall outdoors
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| They respond to demonstrations wearing kevlar briefs
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| When the main problem is nobody respects our grief
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| They say if it bends it’s funny, if it breaks it ain’t though
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| I still got broke pockets and trying to host the Late Show
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| Recording it every night, but I don’t know where the tape go
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| Homeless fashionistas tell me everything that they know
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| Yeah, you got a style
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| Tie them fancy sandals up, smile
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| You on the NSA’s candid cameras, now
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| I’m in a church basement learning Shotokan
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| I saw Jesus taking a selfie and I photobombed
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| And dude better tag me
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| A little recognition makes me do better gladly
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| Like this one time when I got booed at a track meet
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| In a Hellfyre Club sweater for two letter athletes
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| One for regret dreams, one for most suppressed team
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| Pressure valve gets released and sprays like a jet stream
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| Karl Kani’s and Z Cavaricci’s from Chess King
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| K-Mart name brands were the least interesting
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| I appreciated presidential speeches on the West Wing
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| I never had wet dreams or piloted an X-Wing
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| I’m still terrible at being sarcastic black
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| My man Exile, he knows what I’m laughing at
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| My man Toy-Light, he knows what I’m laughing at
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| The studio audience knows what I’m laughing at
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| Laughing at all types of shit
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| I laugh at, um, CNN. |
| I don’t know why
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| That might be an issue; |
| that might be a problem actually
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| It’s not, it’s not a humorous channel, you know what I mean?
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| It’s not trying to compete with Comedy Central
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| If anything, it’s trying to compete with Headline News
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| Which I’m pretty sure is like the same company
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| Or it’s trying to compete with, uh, MSNBC kinda
|
| MSNBC is blue and to the left
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| CNN is red, white, and black, and in the middle
|
| And Fox News is bright red and hollerin', and on the right
|
| And there’s an elephant and a donkey
|
| And then an eledonkeyphant. |
| A donkaphant
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| Uh, a helladonkaphant. |
| Shit |