| Yo! |
| I crack the whip, you play the game.
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| Every encounter that’s obstructionary comes in my name,
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| so that you came to become obsessed with my location.
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| Clues to my identity: denied to the impatient.
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| Step up! |
| I sense you’re on the precipice of something.
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| Me, I’m on the brink of delivering your lumpings:
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| make you load your save up for the fifty fifth time,
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| make you scroll through unskippable dialog lines,
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| and you still ain’t any closer to discovering why.
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| Got technology for lackeys that can hover and fly.
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| Got them other two guys in their sights and apt to wreck them.
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| Give the beatdown to you quicker than your finger in Tekken.*
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| I crack the whip, you play the game…
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| you’re not going to get the final boss tamed.
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| Elevated? |
| I don’t give a drip if you celebrate it.
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| Every time you level up it’s 'cause I delegated
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| your demise to the wrong size of minions.
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| Got a bigger batch coming. |
| Statisticians got a dim opinion
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| of your chance to survive. |
| Make your time.
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| I got a hundred billion of them and they’re standing in line
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| to make you shine light out your special move hole
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| (cause you got hit so hard by the energy bolt).
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| And it’s a moat you can’t cross, a key you can’t get.
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| Ain’t done the right NPC’s subquest yet.
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| Got to collect bullshit that I done littered in the realm.
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| I aim the whole game at you to fatigue and overwhelm.
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| Final boss is the be-all end-all class of society:
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| very exclusive but not higher than me. |
| All the sobriety
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| of the day and age might prove indecent,
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| cause me to find and strangle the baby of Jackie Gleason.**
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| But then I’m evil and puissant, unpleasant and bent on my ends.
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| At the final reckoning: too late to make amends.
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| It’s too late to make friends; |
| I’m infuriated already.
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| Primest cut of minion, double-corrugated and steady,
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| stands between Fe and Fi, so go whistle.
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| Go huddle a hobo corpse. |
| Nestle his bristle.
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| This towers as your obstacle: my will will never bend!
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| Doesn’t matter how you struggle, never gets you past the end.
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| I crack the whip, you play the game…
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| you’re not going to get the final boss tamed.
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| I crack the whip, you play the game…
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| How can you defeat me, you don’t even know my name?
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| «…aw, boot skidoot. |
| You gotta get outta here.» |