Lyrics I Tried to Kill Myself - Mac Lethal

I Tried to Kill Myself

I got a deep depression
I don’t sleep when I need the resting so
I got a crippling anxiety inside me that’s about to eat my flesh, man
I just wanna feel relief and lessen
All the needless questions but I keep on stressing
And I keep obsessing
I keep looking at my phone every three damn seconds
Just to read my texts
And then I keep refreshing
Instagram every minute just to see some breast skin
If you wanna hurt me you don’t need a weapon
'Cause I keep distressing so deep
That I’m probably gonna bleed to death
From all the ulcers, diseases, infections and hunger to reach perfection
I used to take drugs just to ease the tension
But when you take drugs the Grim Reaper’s present
I ain’t talking 'bout the reefer you take for stress
I’m talking 'bout the painkillers that’ll keep you sweating
I shouldn’t be alive
Here’s a bleak confession:
I was overanalyzing each regret
I got emotionless
I wanted to go somewhere and die
So I climbed to the roof of the tallest building
Took the deepest breath and… closed my eyes
Then I jumped!
Like, finally
I can be free from stress
I can be free from this deep depression
I braced for impact
I’m gonna go «smack!»
on the street in seconds
The fall took longer than I thought it should
I spread my arms and tried redirecting my body so
I can hit the ground sooner
Ready to die, like heaven’s waiting
I decided that I’d open up my eyes and
Holy shit, I was levitating!
You gotta be joking
I never hit the ground
I was in the air floating
I grew two big white wings when I jumped
And now both of them were open
And I couldn’t even close 'em
And above my head was a halo
I said to myself:
«Uh, if I’m not mistaken, I think I’m an angel»
Yep, I’m an angel
Look, I’m an angel, I see it myself
I don’t believe in angels, though
Which makes sense because I don’t believe in myself
My wings are spread
I’m flying so high right over my city
You know what?
I never realized, goddamn, man
This place is kinda pretty
Look at that sunset
Look at that horizon
Look at that man playing songs on the violin
I just wanna put a couple dollars in his hat
His song is so pretty I just wanna go and clap
Look at that homeless guy, he looks hungry
He probably needs a ride to the shelter
Look at that pregnant woman, trying to cross the street, man
Somebody should help her
Look, it’s my grandmother
Look, it’s my damn brother holding hands, walking to the store
Look, it’s the girl that I loved for years
She’s on my front porch, knocking on my door
I don’t understand
When I told her that I liked her
She said we should just be friends
Does she want me now?
I wanna talk to her, wait a sec, no
My life can’t end
Oh my God, there’s my dog in my backyard
I forgot to let him inside
I remember all the lonely days where he would snuggle me and keep me company
I swear I would pet him and hide
He’s kinda old and he can’t see well
So he’ll probably never find a new home
And right there is the cemetery where my dad is buried
And on his tombstone it says:
«Here I lie, proud of my children
I taught 'em to know
That whatever doesn’t kill them will make 'em stronger»
Fuck!
I let him down
I shoulda made it longer
I realized that my life cannot get better without me
I realized that my life on Earth was never about me
Happiness comes from health and people
From making 'em feel good and showing I care
I blinked my eyes and I was laying in my bed
I didn’t really die
It was just a nightmare
Got out of bed and put on my shirt, shoes, and pants
I guess I’ll give this life thing on more chance
Shit, I got a deep depression
I don’t sleep when I need the resting
Sometimes I fall asleep but I dream of death
And I wake up feeling better like
«I guess I just needed some deep compression»
No matter how sad you are
Don’t give in to the pressure
Just watch this video on repeat
Until you start to feel better
I love y’all