| This is for anyone wishing they could do their entire life over:
|
| Quit sulking, you fucking pussy
|
| Yeah yeah yeah, clown on my accent all you want
|
| I’ll whoop your cat’s ass. |
| I’ll whoop your grandmothers ass
|
| I’ll whoop your sisters ass. |
| I’ll whoop your ass
|
| I’ll beat your moms ass. |
| I’ll kick your ass
|
| Its the anti-socialite not-so-christian
|
| That’ll talk more shit than bitter and old women
|
| On puny ass rappers with little-to-no rhythm
|
| Fuck veganism give me some General Tso’s Chicken
|
| I write weird songs that got hooks like Journey
|
| And if I grew my hair out I’d probably look like Fergie
|
| But I’d never tinkle in my pants while I was on stage
|
| Cause I was potty trained when I was four years of age
|
| I think a lot of people these days are bitches
|
| I also think that emo and emotional are different
|
| But more so I hate white girls that talk like
|
| «Aww hell no, girl I’m gettin' this shit crunk
|
| You know what I’m sayin'?»
|
| I’m not jokin', it’s nothing but bark, I feel lost
|
| Can’t remember where the fuck that I parked
|
| The world is gray and blue but what skates me through
|
| Is knowing that I have a better music taste than you
|
| I used to like Tool until they made the same album
|
| That they made the last time they made the same album
|
| Every time they make a damn album its the same album, really
|
| And only stoners listen to their music, it’s silly
|
| I still think the Deftones are dope
|
| And I like Nick Drake on the days I wanna let go of hope
|
| Wilco is great and Ice-T is still clever
|
| And no matter what its ALWAYS Wu-Tang Forever
|
| Calm down baby
|
| Don’t you talk because
|
| Calm down baby
|
| Don’t you talk because
|
| I don’t need lovin' and I don’t need help
|
| I’d rather ride in the car by my goddamn self
|
| I’m 25 I started rapping as a sophomore
|
| In those days I’d hide my cigarettes in my sock drawer
|
| Until I heard my mom snorin' sleeping on the green couch
|
| And then I’d secretively sneak out
|
| My first taste of heartbreak was at the park late one summer night
|
| I had a big crush on a girl named Sarah
|
| I was gonna ask her out until I saw Tim Phillips kissing her grabbing her butt
|
| Asshole!
|
| I was madder than FUCK and walked home
|
| Oh, Tim Phillips smells like Cool Water cologne
|
| Well fuck him, his Mustang and all his other friends
|
| I vowed I would never love again
|
| And since then I’ve dated but fuck that I can’t give nothin'
|
| I’d rather sail alone than have my damn ship sunken
|
| Being single’s par for the course
|
| I don’t wanna cause a marriage
|
| Cause I don’t wanna cause a divorce
|
| Its probably important and its better for health
|
| Besides, I get the whole damn bed to myself
|
| But what the hell everybody yells for me to drop down my guard
|
| No! |
| this heart of mine’s for me, it’s locked down and it’s scarred
|
| Go home, I don’t need me a wife, I’m happily single for life
|
| Alright?
|
| My name is Mac Sheldon I’m a fire-sign Leo
|
| Alcoholic, anti-mall, anti-hero
|
| Anti-soccer mom, anti-hipster
|
| Pro-eating Captain Crunch cereal for dinner
|
| Pro-taking bong hits to cure your depression
|
| And pro-demo CD
|
| If you got one let me check it
|
| But never ask me what the hell I’m laughing about
|
| See ya later
|
| I’mma go take a nap on the couch, alright?
|
| Calm down baby
|
| Don’t you talk because
|
| Calm down baby
|
| Don’t you talk because
|
| I don’t need lovin' and I don’t need help
|
| I’d rather ride in the car by my goddamn self
|
| Gee, Mac… what are we gonna do about this Kansan accent of yours?
|
| Well, self, since you’re asking in the third person
|
| We’re gonna fuckin' keep it!
|
| Because it makes us pretty… and unique… and beautiful. |
| Like birds!
|
| I’ll whoop your mother’s ass |