| I wouldn’t be glad wouldn’t be sad
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| I wouldn’t be good if I knew what I could
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| And I hate to go
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| But I must you know
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| Duty calls
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| Niagara Falls
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| See it go down
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| As it falls on the ground
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| And gets up again
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| At the count of ten
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| I would like everyone here to repeat after me
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| Something of which I know nothing about
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| Namely that which I will tell you
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| (That which I will tell you)
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| I’m going to school breaking a rule
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| I’m going around in a pityful frown
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| 'Coz I didn’t pass (came)
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| Bottom of the class (Oh! what a shame)
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| Teacher was mad
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| So was me dad
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| Took off his belt
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| And without any help
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| Really hit me hard
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| Where I’d stuck a card
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| Thick I may be but a fool I am certainly not
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| Always remember the golden rule
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| When in no doubt get a car out
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| And while you’re there how about…
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| Fetching me one of those pneumatic drills
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| Boy! |
| I really love the sound that they make
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| So good for the pains and aches of life in general
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| Don’t be such a miser
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| At the most a fiver’s all you pay
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| Many’s the time
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| I have wondered about what it is
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| I want you all to repeat after me
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| Something I know you know I know
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| (Something I know you know I know)
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| I wouldn’t behold wouldn’t be cold
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| I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my
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| Dear old mum and dad
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| And the fun they had
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| Early one night
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| Dad put out the light
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| Got hold of me mum
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| Said he wanted a son
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| And as you can see
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| The result was me
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| Somebody told me once money does not grow on trees
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| Well if that’s true then how do you explain
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| Apples oranges and lemons
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| Not forgetting melons |