| I send pictures through the mail
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| Well documented and very detailed
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| To politicians and big celebrities,
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| But none of them are believing in me
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| And I await their response
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| Some send none, most send cops
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| But man it’s a dire situation
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| And I will risk the public humiliation
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| Sleestak lightning on my trail
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| It’s a dire situation, they are on my trail
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| West Virginia has its Moth Man,
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| Pan handlers' got their Skunk Ape.
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| But I have a tazer and night vision goggles,
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| Costco rolls of black duct tape.
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| It’s got red eyes, it’s got razor claws,
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| It’s got green skin, no it ain’t a meth-head.
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| And after studying its behavior, objectively and critically,
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| I believe I have a reliable method. |