| In the olden days of yore
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| This kingdom was barren and cloaked in darkness
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| Until Erdrick, noble knight
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| Used balls of light to set the kingdom right
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| And you, as his descendant, are fated to defend it
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| Go fight! |
| Bring back the light!
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| O, Dragon Warrior
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| The princess must be rescued soon (preferably this afternoon)
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| The ball of light must be returned (but at the moment you’re a noob)
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| You may be brave but you’re a small, weak rube
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| You’ve got so much XP to earn
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| (So get your ass out there and grind)
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| Gotta grind, gotta grind, gotta grind it
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| Lotta stuff, lotta stuff, gotta find it
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| Sit down and commit now to legit rounds of outwitting shitclowns
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| Gotta grind, gotta grind (Break it down now!)
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| (You gotta grind!)
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| Lotta stuff, lotta stuff, gotta find it
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| Keep an open mind when in a bind ‘cause who knows what’s behind it?
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| In this game everything takes a really long time
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| Holy balls! |
| Don’t you know that there’s stairs there?
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| At this pace, it’s a slow and deliberate climb
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| Slow my god, like a snail with a walker
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| This game’s hard, you get mad and controllers are flung
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| Where the fuck are these magical doodads?
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| How did kids have the patience to deal with this dung?
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| Jeezy Cripes, how did anyone play this?
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| Don’t be discouraged, just read Nintendo Power
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| Or call the Nintendo Power Line number
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| Or just get the strategy guide!
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| Now they’ve got more of your cash
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| But you have the power to slay a dragon!
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| For a little extra dough, you’re in the know
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| You fuckin' run the show
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| This quest was just a cunning attempt to make more money
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| They win, you paid again!
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| That’s Dragon Warrior |