Song information On this page you can find the lyrics of the song Professor Whiskers, artist - Aunty Donna
Date of issue: 05.04.2018
Age restrictions: 18+
Song language: English
Professor Whiskers |
Professor Whiskers is a cat and a man |
He’s not quite a cat |
He’s not quite a man |
He does cat things like getting stuck in the door |
Licking his penis and shitting on the floor |
It’s pretty full on when he licks his dick |
It makes my guests a little bit sick |
Because he is still half a man |
And his penis is that of a man |
Professor Whiskers |
He’s got the body of a man |
Professor Whiskers |
But he’s got the brain of a man |
Professor Whiskers |
Not quite sure what part is a cat |
Professor Whiskers has the body of a man |
And the arm of a man |
And the leg of a man |
The hair of a man |
The ear of a man |
The toes of a man |
And the arm of a man |
Just to be clear he’s completely a man |
But he’s not a professor, don’t you understand? |
Professor Whiskers is his cat name |
His proper person name is Wayne |
And while he lectured for a time |
He is currently unemployed |
Professor Whiskers |
The neighbour’s cat is preg-a-nent |
Professor Whiskers |
There are no other cats in the neighbourhood |
Professor Whiskers |
Don’t wanna know how the cat got pregnant |
Professor Whiskers loves arching his back |
When he thinks his reflection is another cat |
Just like a cat he likes burying turds |
And bringing us the gift of half dead birds |
And just like a cat he has no balls |
He cut off his own balls |
Professor Whiskers |
He cut off his own balls |
Professor Whiskers |
He did it in the shed |
Professor Whiskers |
He loves to drink yummy milk |
But Professor Whiskers was a naughty kitty cat |
Because he did a widdle piddle on the mat |
So we put him in the car and drove into town |
We said to the vet, «Please put him down» |
The vet said, «I can’t do that, that’s clearly a man» |
We said, «Here's fifty bucks» |
«Let's fucking put him down» |
But the vet only injected a cat amount |
So instead of dying he just flailed about |
He screamed, «I'm not a real cat! |
My name is Wayne!» |
So we strangled him with his own leash |
And ended his pain |
But he grabbed a cricket bat and knocked us to the floor |
Ran outside and stole a Holden Commodore |
He drove down the street heading for the state lines |
The vet said, «I just need one bullet to take nine lives» |
The vet took out his revolver and fired one shot |
And the Holden Commodore rolled to a stop |
A police officer came up and said, «You've killed a man!» |
We said, «Here's fifty bucks» |
«You've killed a cat!» |
Professor Whiskers |
We buried him in the backyard |
Professor Whiskers |
The children made him a little cross |
Professor Whiskers |
His grave is next to Doggo Boy’s |
And right across from Canary Man |
And don’t forget about Lizard Boy |
And also, Man Man |
He’s just a person we murdered! |
By backyard, I mean the State Belanglo Forest |
I’m a murderer |