| Everybody
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| Welcome to the show
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| The rules of engagement are really quite simple
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| So if you could pull yourself away from Grindr for two seconds
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| Listen up
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| The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory
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| Do you think I look like this so I can exist in your feeble memory? |
| (HA!)
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| Take a picture and I’ll last forever!
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| Get your drinks now people
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| The more you drink, the prettier we look
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| Is this your boyfriend, honey?
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| Not anymore!
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| Tipping is compulsory
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| If you don’t know what compulsory means
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| I’ll spell it out for you
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| Tip. |
| These. |
| Men!
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| It takes a lot of money to look this cheap darling!
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| Be kind to your entertainers
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| If you see a flaw, squint
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| If you see a bulge, don’t be mad!
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| Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises!
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| If you see something you don’t like
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| Something unseemly or offensive
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| Something vile or disgusting
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| We’ll be happy to take your complaints after the show!
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| At the corner of 'fuck you and go fuck yourself avenue.com!'
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| I’ll see you there!
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| Bring a sweater
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| If you think you can do better, sweetheart
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| I implore you
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| Put on a wig and mash your mouth around to other people’s music for 4 and a
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| half minutes
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| It’s not as easy as it looks!
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| Do you need a hairpiece?
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| Here, you can borrow mine!
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| Show generosity to these monstrosities!
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| Respect, kindness, compassion!
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| And most of all, whenever possible
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| Tell us we look gorgeous
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| Tell us we look gorgeous
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| Tell me I look gorgeous!
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| Do I look gorgeous? |
| (YEAH!)
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| Okay, but how about sexy? |
| (YEAH!)
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| Okay, alright, but how about sensual? |
| (YEAH!)
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| Alright, but how about breathtaking? |
| Jeez! |
| (YEAH!)
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| I swear its like pulling teeth to get a little tiny compliment out of you
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| people!
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| Now let’s review everybody!
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| Your makeup is terrible
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| If you’re not wearing nails, you’re not doing drag
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| Don’t ever touch my hair
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| Anus
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| I love your pussy
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| Give me all your money
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| Absolutely
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| Come on nature!
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| Come on natch!
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| Come on build-up!
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| OKCURRRRRRRR
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| Hieeeeeee!
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| Hieeeeeee!
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| Hieeeeeee!
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| Everybody, everywhere
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| Everybody, everywhere
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| Hieeeeeee!
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| Hiee, hiee, hieee, hieee, hiee
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| Hieeeeeeee! |