| The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her hair
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| Is making a cannoli for you to take on your hiking trip
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| In the woods with your bros that you’ve known since second grade
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| And you may encounter dragons or ruffians and be called upon
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| To employ your testosterone
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| In a battle for supremacy and access to females glued to the TV
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| And even if you are victorious you may receive many cuts, bruises, and scrapes
|
| And you will require band aids and antiseptic ointments
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| And tender loving kisses on your stab wounds and when you come home
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| She will be there waiting for you with a fire in her eyes
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| And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth
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| And that’s why you
|
| Thank God for girls
|
| Holla Jesu Christe
|
| From Tennessee to LA
|
| Thank God for girls
|
| On your reckoning day
|
| You better bow down and pray
|
| She’s so big
|
| She’s so strong
|
| She’s so energetic in her sweaty overalls
|
| Thank God for girls
|
| I’m so glad I got a girl to think of even though she isn’t mine
|
| I think about her all the day and all the night it’s enough to know that she’s
|
| alive
|
| She says I give her sweaty palms she almost had a heart attack
|
| The truth is that I’m just as scared I don’t know how to act
|
| I wish that I could get to know her better
|
| But meeting up in real life would cause the illusion to shatter
|
| I carved her name into all the trees
|
| Sang a song down on one knee
|
| Looking at the underwear page of the Sears catalog like when I was 14
|
| I’m levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around
|
| I’m like an Indian Fakir tryna' meditate on a bed of nails with my pants pulled
|
| down
|
| Thank God for girls
|
| Holla Jesu Christe
|
| From Tennessee to LA
|
| Thank God for girls
|
| On your reckoning day
|
| You better bow down and pray
|
| She’s so big
|
| She’s so strong
|
| She’s so energetic in her sweaty overalls
|
| Thank God for girls
|
| God took a rib from Adam, ground it up in a centrifuge machine
|
| Mixed it with cardamom and cloves, microwaved it on the popcorn setting
|
| While Adam was like «that really hurts»
|
| Going off into the tundra, so pissed at God
|
| And he started lighting minor forest fires, stealing osprey eggs
|
| Messing with the bees who were trying to pollinate the echinacea
|
| Until God said, «Ima smite you with loneliness
|
| And break your heart in two»
|
| And Adam wept and wailed, tearing out his hair, falling on his knees
|
| Looked to the sky and said
|
| «Thank God» |