Lyrics 2HONEST - Victor Kwesi Mensah, SAINt JHN

2HONEST

Loneliness speaks through my smile
It sings the darkest lullaby
La, la-la-la, la-la, la
La, la-la-la, la-la, la
I called a 51−50 on myself
That’s how you know I need help
I called a 51−50 on myself
That’s how you know I need (Help)
Tears of a fallen soldier, rollin' down my face
One hand stickin' out of my grave
The whole world left me for dead, Michael Jackson’s estate
But I’m too high, I never land
A river that knows its source could never run dry
That’s why I had to cut out the middle man
Hate from all directions assassinatin' my character
I felt like Malcom X in J. Edgar Hoover’s America
I said the truth and I paid for it, I paid for it
I got on my knees and crid to the Lord, I prayed for it
I had bounties on my had when my sister was in my home
Sleepless nights by the chrome, trigger finger next to my dome
Contemplatin' self-destruction, equatin' myself to nothin'
Fixated on my regression, I felt like Benjamin Button
I collapsed in my depression, I just couldn’t write for nothin'
When I stared at my reflection, all that I felt was disgusted
My confidence evaporated, less than a man, I was emasculated
I turned to violence to be validated
Violated probation again and again
My kin and my friends like, «What the fuck is up with you, fam?
Don’t you understand?
Niggas wanna fuck with you, fam
But you keep fuckin' yourself and that fucks with your fans»
Pardon me, my nigga, I believed the lie, I kept it too honest (Ooh, ooh,
ooh-ooh)
The pain behind your eyes tells me that that’s not what you wanted (Ooh, ooh,
ooh-ooh)
And it’s hard to explain to the people standin' still while you’re runnin' (Ooh,
ooh, ooh-ooh)
I was runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I’m becomin'
I called a 51−50 on myself
That’s how you know I need help
I called a 51−50 on myself
That’s how you know I need (Help)
Do you know what the fuck it feels like to wake up every day in distress?
Pissed off at yourself, neglect, so you just lay in your mess
And people depend on you, got so much shit on your chest
That your train of thought can’t seem to find a way to express
I find a notebook in my parents' crib from when I was five
I went inside it said «I hate myself, I wanna die,» I cried
I couldn’t even fathom a child feeling so lonely
So next time a nigga tell you 'bout Vic, say they don’t know me
I need to be loved, I need to be loved
I needed the drugs 'cause I couldn’t do it
I couldn’t do it, I was goin' through it
Growin' up, I was a product of my biracial confusion
Neither Black nor White, I guess that made me translucent
I crushed everything I touched
I fucked every single slut, I couldn’t bust
It was a knot in my stomach
I plummet into my dungeon
Down in the depths of my darkness
I’m steppin' over my carcass
I’m comin' out of my hatred
Tired of my heart bein' vacant
I made a promise, won’t break it
I told my mama, «We'll make it»
I told my gang, «We gon' make it»
They won’t give it to us, we’ll take it
One thing that is true is my greatness
Promise I won’t doubt, I’ll believe it
I’m exercisin' my demons, for the last time
Pardon me, my nigga, I believed the lie, I kept it too honest (Ooh, ooh,
ooh-ooh)
The pain behind your eyes tells me that that’s not what you wanted (Ooh, ooh,
ooh-ooh)
And it’s hard to explain to the people standin' still while you’re runnin' (Ooh,
ooh, ooh-ooh)
I was runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I’m becomin'
But pardon me, my nigga, isn’t this the life you said that you wanted?
You know the car’s movin' fast, what a view, and the women are stunnin'
And it’s hard when you’re comin' from the bottom, tryin' not to become it
So I’m runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I’m becomin'
Comin', yeah