Lyrics Nice - Tyne Daly, Harriet Harris

Nice

JUDY: I hate nice.
Nice is wrong.
It’s pretending you’re weak when you’re strong 'cause you’re walking on
eggshells.
God help me face fear, I’m no good at faking sincere.
To be nice.
Thank you for the rehearsal dinner last night, Georgette.
The food was delicious.
GEORGETTE: The Hapshire Club does do a good job, don’t they?
I think their secret is that they put bacon in practically everything.
JUDY: Rebecca’s Uncle Morty keeps Kosher.
He doesn’t eat pork.
GEORGETTE: Not even bacon?
JUDY: I hate nice.
Nice is lies.
It’s befriending a bitch you despise, when you just want to punch her.
«Mom, please don’t make a scene!»
«Careful not to say what you mean!»
This is nice.
GEORGETTE: Well, I won’t tell him if you don’t.
Ha ha, look at us, keeping secrets together.
We’re practically family already.
It comes as no surprise to me, after all, I was a member of the first sorority
at Radcliffe to allow people of the Jewish Persuasion.
I will never forget that little Hebrew girl, Miriam.
Miriam.
We were great friends.
Miriam Something-Steen.
Stein.
Which is it?
I really wish you people would make up your mind on that one.
JUDY: Do something, Judy.
Put her in her place to prove to them, Judy.
You’ve got style and grace.
Smile then thrust a Perry, don’t appear contrary.
Kiss and embrace.
That’s not what you call nice;
it’s bologna.
The nice you know is real, not phony.
To you, nice is a sweater.
A nice boy, nice kippaed herring.
If you don’t speak up soon, you could start swearing!
It’s Stein;
with an '
GEORGETTE: Now we know.
Isn’t this fun?
JUDY: I can’t remember having so much fun.
GEORGETTE: Me neither.
Fun, fun, fun.
What a good idea.
JUDY: Thank you.
And you were right about Elsie;
it’s amazing what she can do with such thinning
hair.
I like nice.
Nice is sweet.
It’s suspending your ethics to beat fancy pants at her own game!
Oh, boy am I verklempt, it’s better than I ever dreamt!
Playing nice.
GEORGETTE: Oh, please, you’re just saying that.
JUDY: But it’s true.
It’s like your whole face has been lifted.
Here’s to nice!
Nice is grand!
It’s extending a welcoming hand while you’re smacked with the other.
Just make the slightest change.
Mentally rearrange.
What you once thought was advice, is now nice!