| Take my family across the land, but too much ass can destroy a man
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| See I emptied all my glands, inside the emptiness of all my fans
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| I spent all my testosterone giving all my favorite fans a bone
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| It’s hard on my hair living like a dog and tonight the devil is riding a hog
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| Night is falling, the curtain’s calling
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| my bio-clock is ticking, so fast
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| And it’s gonna be Hell-Toupee, can’t stand losing my hair this way
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| Hell Toupee, hell toupee, not now no way
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| Other day I was doing the bump, then I found myself taking a dump
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| It gave me time to contemplate, the state of my hair and it’s terrible fate
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| Spent my life fighting off the pigs, drinking beer and smoking cigs
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| stealing riffs and a blowing gigs, but now I’m stuck googling for wigs
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| Skin is glowing, dome is showing, my bio-clock is ticking so fast
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| And it’s gonna be Hell Toupee
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| Can’t stand losing my hair this way
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| Hell Toupee, Not now no way
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| Hell Toupee Day By Day, always thought my hair would stay great
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| But it’s way too late
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| Hell Toupee, Razor blade, it’s genocide on my head today
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| Hell toupee, don’t fade away, not now no way |