| Fourteen!
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| Fourteen girls in baggy pajamas
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| What if I’d gone to the south Bahamas
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| Told me I had won the mystery prize
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| Tied my head behind my back and blindfolded my eyes
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| Fourteen tons of golden ripe bananas
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| The one I’d trade for my long lost bandana
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| The one I won one time at the State fair
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| With little pictures of James Dean slicking back his hair
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| Fourteen is not my favorite number
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| At night I dream, I see Fourteen spelled out in lumber
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| Fourteen — I can’t understand
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| Fourteen — 'cause I’m just an ordinary man
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| Fourteen — I can’t understand
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| Fourteen — 'cause I’m just an ordinary man
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| Fourteen men to witness my confession
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| If I’m ever sentenced and die for my obsessions
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| There’s Fourteen songs all named Fourteen
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| With Fourteen verses each that I dearly love to sing
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| X-I-V is how the Romans said it In retrospect I’m sure they don’t regret it Eventually their empire finally fell
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| F-o-u-r-t-e-e-n is how we came to spell
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| Fourteen — is not my favorite number
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| At night I dream, I see Fourteen spelled out in lumber
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| Fourteen — I can’t understand
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| Fourteen — 'cause I’m just an ordinary man
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| Fourteen — I can’t understand
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| Fourteen-'cause I’m just an ordinary man
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| An ordinary man, an ordinary man
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| Fourteen! |