| You know what I mean
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| Cos man had flippin overalls on
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| The pretty bird behind the tills taking the piss outta man
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| Even giving man no help
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| — Mike Skinner
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| When I drop in Harvey Nicks
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| To shop in Harvey Nicks
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| If I don’t look hardly slick
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| Or appear hardly fit
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| The cashier don’t hardly trip
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| The lady hardly flits
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| Unless I’m wearing barmy shit
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| Or garments that are the shit
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| — Teddy Mitchell
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| The last time we was in here, we just lined with despair
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| The pretty bird behind the till was flipping thru Marie Claire
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| Flicking the end of her hair, fidgeting, all nervous
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| Had us thinking «where the fuck is the customer service?!»
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| Must have been the flippin shabby overalls we’re wearing
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| And the batch of Classics that were on the verge of tearing
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| Cos Aunty’s front room needed redecorating
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| So we painted it light blue to make it look more radiant
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| But today that ain’t the case (na mate!)
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| It’s Lyle & Scott cardigans, that us man were draped in
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| The pretty bird behind the till’s grin is so blatant
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| And sucking man’s bottom, cos she must think we got the papers
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| So from this day forth, we must always recall
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| Never ever to come back in here in overalls
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| Cos pretty birds behind tills, they don’t like to smile and talk
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| To brehs bowling down in fucking overalls
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| — Tony Mitchell
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| It’s as if she’s never seen our mugs in here before
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| Cos as soon as we was about to make a move, she released the door
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| Pointing her finger at her assistant to attend to both of our needs
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| Chucking an opener on the counter, strutting towards Teddy and me
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| Now its all a guided tour through the Lacoste new seasons
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| Compliments on our retirements and offering us greetings
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| Not to mention the welcome? |
| and the private seating
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| That they usually use for the service twats
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| With the request to them to bring the teas in
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| But the other day, that weren’t the case. |
| nah mate
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| It was her on the phone to the security guard
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| To follow us for no damn reason
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| Looking down at her watch, giving us the cold shoulder treatment
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| Asking us if we could hurry up cos they were closing early that evening
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| So from that day forth, we have always remembered
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| Never ever to wear overalls, its just absurd
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| Cos overall, all over, overalls don’t work
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| Cos now that we’re in line its got the bird flicking up her skirt
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| — Sway
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| When I shop at Harvey Nicks
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| Everybody thinks I’m a star
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| Cos I wear my rented blazer
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| And I step out my rented car
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| A little girl with a pen ran up to me and said «I know who you are»
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| But when I gave her my autograph she said
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| «mum is this how u spell Lemar?»
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| When I shop at Harvey Nicks
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| The security give me grief
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| They must think I’m a thief, cos I don’t sound like The Streets
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| Even when I’m just trying it on, they think I’m trying it on
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| I said «why would I steal from you? |
| I’m loaded»
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| Then they called the police — «there's a guy with a gun!»
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| Despite this, I like shopping here
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| Cos it’s a lot quicker than eBay
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| I bumped into this Labour MP who was looking for a pair of CK
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| I said «Hi, I’m Sway, and I hope you’re having a nice day»
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| Then I slapped him in his face and said
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| «what type of party doesn’t have a DJ?»
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| I remember the first time I came here
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| I was shoplifting and got nabbed
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| In the shop lift I got grabbed
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| «Hey you! |
| Excuse me, open your bag!»
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| I got put in a pair of handcuffs
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| All for a pair of cufflinks
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| I said «please sir, don’t send me to prison, if its anything like Butlins»
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| Next time I’ll come in, in a balaclava
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| See what she does then, slag, slag, slag!
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| That might not be a good idea, still |