| The magazine is now my good friend
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| I’m thrilled the moment it is opened
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| It feels so beautiful to pretend
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| I’m glad it’s not goddamned sensational
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| Rolling up my sleeves to find out
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| What the stinking fuss is about
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| I need to prove without a doubt
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| That nobody is losing their marbles
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| The psychic friends are here to help us
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| And hot line girls I know are a must
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| In consolidated bills we trust
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| Personal injury lawyers are wonderful
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| I have got to know what’s a postcoital glow
|
| I need to know
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| A-wop bam boom a-boop bop a-what to do
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| Quality control is sure great
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| Any job done well is first rate
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| Pride in workmanship is worth the wait
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| Happiness is a thirty day warranty
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| The diet I’ve been on is so good
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| I’ve lost more weight than I thought I could
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| My abs are like they’re made of fine wood
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| I fit right in with the people I admire most |