| Ground floor Shoppers' Paradise
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| Habit-dashery, needles, spoons and knives
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| Knuckle-dusters, glass jaws and wooden hearts
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| Spend your money girls on sprays and lipsticks
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| Tested on bunnies, girls, strays and misfits
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| Ozone friendly rape alarms
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| For those blinding dates
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| Another summer of hate
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| It’s the top shop for the tired and rundown
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| Going up for the final comedown
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| First and second floors, third and fourth world wars
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| We’ve got a free pair of flares
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| With every hip replacement
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| Just take the stairs to the bargin basement
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| Babies bottles full of the milk of human kindnestle
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| CHORUS
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| Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
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| The big shop is open it’s a wonderful world
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| Top floor Shoppers' Paradise
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| We’ve got a drunk Father Christmas and the Antichrist
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| We’ve got nothing of value so there’s no V.A.T.
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| We’re going S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G.
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| We take Visa, Access, American Express
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| Patched-up, hand-me-down, second to next best
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| Clothes for all ages, mothers and babies
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| CHORUS
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| Going down for all the things you missed
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| All the love, peace and happiness that don’T exist
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| We’ve got enpsychopaedias we’ve got pic 'n' fix
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| A government freezer full of benefits
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| A children’s assortment we’re bigger than Hamley’s
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| We’ve got Cabbage Patch orphans from Sylvanian Families
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| Carpets, linoleum, holy petroleum,
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| Chemi-kaze killers, little Hitlers and Napoleons
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| Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
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| The big shop is open and the world
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| Is wonderful |