Lyrics KFC - Richard Swift

KFC

Hello, America
This is Doble Finepennies a representative of Nomozene
A few weeks ago I was commissioned to write a song about customer service
Unfortunately I’m not smart enough to write good a song about customer service
So instead I’ve decided to tell you a story about diarrhea
When I was seventeen or eighteen I worked for a fast food chain that fried
chicken
I can’t tell you what the name of the restaurant was but it rhymd with
pentacube hide pickn
After I tired of my job there, and Jojo’s, I went to pick up my last check
As I arrived, I was greeted with a new fried chicken wrap
Not wanting to be rude, I quickly ate the wrap
I gathered my check and drove my 1995 baby blue Chevy Cavalier home
About three hours later, that’s when it hit me--
THE FOOD POISONING
My God it was terrible
I prayed to a God I don’t even believe in
«Take my life!»
Of course he didn’t answer me
All I could do was eat frozen grapes, which sat gently in a bowl on my fevered
chest
I cried and cried into the cold night
«My God!
Take my life!
Take my Goddamned life, you bearded spaceman!»
No answer
Have you ever been so sick of vomit and diarrhea that you just want to die?
I’ve never wanted to die until about ten years after this story
I lived in Long Beach and had a bout of depression but that’s besides the point