| There was an evil, evil, evil wizard that came on up to town
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| That wizard went and snatched them
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| The hobbits right from their beds, oh yeah
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| Forcing them on a quest to the east to visit sex-village, oh yeah
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| The women there are eight feet tall
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| Arms of steel they can rip you in two, yeah, rip you in two
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| The wizard knew tiny hobbits had oversized hearts of steel
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| That could charm the pants off of any women
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| The union of the four foot man and the eight foot women
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| The wizard knew would somehow save the world
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| Somehow, somehow save the world from peril
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| The wizard knew if he was wrong at least it would be amusing
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| The banshee she cries across the hills (and up my spine)
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| The banshee is following me back home
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| It’s the charm of the cease of your ingress
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| Oh yeah, she cries across the hills
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| I can feel her nails down my spine
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| Catching my skin under her fingers
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| Mutton for the beggars quarters for the thief (x4)
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| I fear not the punishment, not the punishment
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| I fear not the punish the punishment
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| Persuading discourse, they are blinded, by your majesty
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| They abuse your royal ear, they triumph in your woes
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| They’re far from charity, assurance that the sun does shine (x2)
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| It’s the four foot men of sex-town Being man-handled by an eight foot women
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| Brings us dark, dark times
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| He doth take her from the side, He doth take her from behind
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| He doth leave her from his mind, He doth leave her from his mind
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| I hear the creeping voice, It’s gotten in my head
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| Head, head, head, head
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| The proud women of the east feel shame now
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| Even hobbits deserve sex, they just have to pay for it |