Song information On this page you can find the lyrics of the song Argument, artist - Monty Python. Album song Monty Python's Total Rubbish! The (Mostly) Charisma Collection, in the genre
Date of issue: 10.10.2019
Record label: Virgin
Song language: English
Argument |
I’d like to have an argument, please |
Certainly, sir. Have you been here before? |
No, this is my first time |
I see. Well, were you thinking of taking a five minute argument or a course? |
Well, what’s the cost? |
It’s 1 for a five minute argument, but it’s 8 for a course of ten |
I think I’ll take the five minutes and see how it progresses |
Very well. Now, Mr. Hayward isn’t free at the moment, nor is Mr. Baker |
Here we go, Mr. Maynard, Room 12 |
Thank you |
WHAT DO YOU WANT?! |
Well, I was told outside-- |
DON’T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS! |
What?! |
SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! |
YOUR TYPE REALLY MAKES ME PUKE, YOU PERVERT! |
What are you doing?! I came in here for an argument! |
Oh! I’m sorry, but this is abuse |
Oh, that explains it |
Yes, you want Room 12A. Next door |
Thank you |
Not at all. (Door shuts) Stupid git |
Is the right room for an argument? |
I’ve told you once |
No, you didn’t |
Yes, I did |
When? |
Just now |
No, you didn’t |
Yes, I did |
No, you didn’t |
Excuse me. Is the five minute argument or the half hour? |
Oh, just the five minute |
Thank you. Anyway, I did tell you |
No, you most certainly did not |
Let’s get one thing straight: I most definitely told you |
No, you didn’t |
Yes, I did |
No, you didn’t |
Yes, I did |
No, you didn’t |
Yes, I did |
This isn’t an argument! |
Yes, it is |
No, it isn’t. It’s just contradiction |
No, it isn’t |
Yes, it is. You just contradicted me |
No, I didn’t |
Yes, you did |
No, no, no |
You did just then |
That’s ludicrous |
Oh, this is futile |
No, it isn’t |
I came in here for a good argument |
No, you didn’t. You came in here for an argument |
Well, argument isn’t the same as contradiction |
Can be |
No, it can’t |
An argument is a collective series of statements intended to establish a |
proposition |
No, it isn’t |
Yes, it is. It isn’t just contradiction |
Look, if I argue with you. I must take a contrary position |
But it isn’t just saying No, it isn’t |
Yes, it is |
No, it isn’t. Argument’s an intellectual protest |
Contradiction just the automatic opposite of any statement the other person |
makes |
No, it isn’t |
Yes, it is |
Not at all |
Now, look-- (Bell dings) |
Good morning |
What? |
That’s it. Good morning |
I was just getting interested |
I’m sorry, the five minutes is up |
That was not five minutes |
I’m afraid it was |
Oh, no, it wasn’t. (Argument professional looks around the room) |
I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to argue anymore |
What? |
If you want to go on arguing you’ll have to pay for another five minutes |
But that was not five minutes, just now. (Professional whistles) Oh, come on |
If you want to continue arguing, you must pay for another five minutes |
Oh, fine. Here |
Thank you |
Well? |
Well what? |
That was not five minutes, just then |
I told you, you have to pay |
I just paid |
No, you didn’t |
Yes, I did |
No, you didn’t |
I don’t want to argue about that |
Well, you didn’t pay |
Ah, but if I didn’t pay, why are you arguing? Aha! Got you |
No, you haven’t |
Yes, I have. If you’re arguing, I must have paid |
Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time |
Oh, I’ve had enough of this |
No, you haven’t |
Oh, shut up! |