Song information On this page you can find the lyrics of the song Election Special, artist - Monty Python. Album song The Final Rip Off, in the genre Поп
Date of issue: 31.12.1986
Record label: Virgin
Song language: English
Election Special |
Linkman: Hello, good evening and welcome to Election |
Night Special. |
There’s tremendous excitement here at |
the moment and we should be getting the first results |
through any moment now. |
We’re not sure where it will be |
from, it might be Leicester or from West Byfleet, the |
polling’s been quite heavy in both areas. |
Ah, I’m just |
getting… I’m just getting… a buzzing noise in my |
left ear. |
Urgh, argh! |
(removes insect and stamps on |
it). |
And now let’s go straight over to Leicester. |
Norman: And it’s a straight fight here at Leicester and |
we’re expecting the result any moment now. |
There with |
the Returning Officer is Arthur Smith the sensible |
candidate and next to him is Jethro Q. Walrustitty the |
silly candidate with his agent and his silly wife. |
Officer: Here is the result for Leicester. |
Arthur J. |
Smith… |
Linkman: (Sensible Party) |
Officer: …30, 612. (applause) |
Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot |
Walrustitty… |
Linkman: (Silly Party) |
Officer: …33, 108. (applause) |
Linkman: Well there we have the first result of the |
election and the Silly party has held Leicester. |
Norman. |
Norman: Well pretty much as I predicted, except that |
the Silly party won. |
Er, I think this is largely due to |
the number of votes cast. |
Gerald. |
Gerald: Well there’s a big swing here to the Silly |
Party, but how big a swing I’m not going to tell you. |
Norman: I think one should point out that in this |
constituency since the last election a lot of very |
silly people have moved into new housing estates with |
the result that a lot of sensible voters have moved |
further down the road the other side of number er, 29. |
Linkman: Well I can’t add anything to that. |
Colin? |
Colin: Can I just say that this is the first time I’ve |
been on television? |
Linkman: No I’m sorry, there isn’t time, we’re just |
going straight over to Luton. |
Gerald: Well here at Luton it’s a three-cornered |
contest between, from left to right, Alan Jones |
(Sensible Party), Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-lim-bim-bim- |
bim-bim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel (Silly |
Party), and Kevin Phillips-Bong, who is running on the |
Slightly Silly ticket. |
And here’s the result. |
Woman: Alan Jones… |
Linkman: (Sensible) |
Woman: …9, 112. |
Kevin Phillips-Bong… |
Linkman: (Slightly Silly) |
Woman: Nought. |
Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lin-bim-bus-stop- |
Linkman: (Silly) |
Woman: 12, 441. (applause) |
Linkman: Well there you have it, the first result of |
the election as the Silly Party take Luton. |
Norman. |
Norman: Well this is a very significant result. |
Luton, |
normally a very sensible constituency with a high |
proportion of people who aren’t a bit silly, has gone |
completely ga-ga. |
Linkman: And we’ve just heard that James Gilbert has |
with him the winning Silly candidate at Luton. |
James: Tarquin, are you pleased with this result? |
Tarquin: Ho yus, me old beauty, I should say so. |
(Silly |
noises including a goat bleating). |
Linkman: And do we have the swing at Luton? |
Gerald: Er… no. |
(pause) |
Linkman: Right, well I can’t add anything to that. |
Colin? |
Colin: Can I just say that this is the second time I’ve |
been on television? |
Linkman: No, I’m sorry there isn’t time, we’re just |
about to get another result. |
Norman: And this one is from Harpenden Southeast. |
A |
very interesting constituency this: in addition to the |
official Silly candidate there is an unofficial Very |
Silly candidate, in the slab of concrete, and he could |
well split the silly vote here at Harpenden Southeast. |
Voice over: Mrs Elsie Zzzz… |
Linkman: (Silly) |
Voice over: 26, 317 (applause). |
Jeanette Walker… |
Linkman: (Sensible) |
Voice over: 26, 318… |
Linkman: That was very close! |
Voice over: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian |
Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrrooo |
Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle) Edward |
(sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds |
buzzer) Thomas Moo… (sings) «We'll keep a welcome in |
the…» (fires gun) William (descending swanee whistle) |
«Raindrops keep falling on my» (ascending swanee |
whistle) «Don't sleep in the subway» (cuckoo cuckoo) |
Naaooo… Smith… |
Linkman: (Very Silly) |
Voice over: …two. |
Linkman: Well there you have it, a Sensible gain at |
Harpenden with the Silly vote being split. |
Norman: And we’ve just heard from Luton that Tony |
Stratton-Smith has with him there the unsuccessful |
Slightly Silly candidate, Kevin Phillips-Bong. |
Tony: Kevin Phillips-Bong. |
You polled no votes at all. |
Not a sausage. |
Bugger all. |
Are you at all disappointed |
with this performance? |
Phillips-Bong: Not at all. |
As I always say: |
Climb every mountain |
Ford every stream, |
Follow every by-way, |
Till you find your dream. |
(Sings:) |
A dream that will last |
All the love you can give |
Every day of your life |
For as long as you live. |
All together now! |
Climb every mountain |
Ford every stream… |
Linkman: A very brave Kevin Phillips-Bong there. |
Norman. |
Norman: And I’ve just heard from Luton that my aunt is |
ill. |
Possibly gastro-enteritis, possibly just catarrh. |
Gerald. |
Linkman: Right. |
Er, Colin? |
Colin: Can I just say that I’ll never appear on |
television again? |
Linkman: No I’m sorry, there isn’t time, we have to |
pick up a few results you may have missed. |
A little |
pink pussy-cat has taken Barrow-in-Furness -- that’s a |
gain from the Liberals there. |
Rastus Odinga Odinga has |
taken Wolverhampton Southwest, that’s Enoch Powell’s |
old constituency -- an important gain there for Darkie |
Power. |
Arthur Negus has held Bristols -- that’s not a |
result, that’s just a bit of gossip. |
Sir Alec Douglas |
Hume has taken Oldham for the Stone Dead party. |
A small |
piece of putty about that big, a cheese mechanic from |
Dunbar and two frogs -- one called Kipper the other one |
not -- have all gone «Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni!» |
in |
Blackpool Central. |
And so it’s beginning to look like a |
Silly landslide, and with the prospect of five more |
years' Silly government facing us we… Oh I don’t want |
to do this any more, I’m bored! |
Norman: He’s right you know, it is a bloody waste of |
time. |
Gerald: Absolute waste of time. |
Norman: I wanted to be a gynaecologist… |