
Date of issue: 09.03.2015
Song language: English
Did I Ever Wake Up?, Pt. 2 |
Chapter 3- The Dresser |
Learning how to think. |
I’ve always gravitated to the word «enlightened». |
It seems to be destination in everyone’s GPS but what does it really mean? |
I believe the word is solely defined by whom you ask. |
My definition of enlightened is an individual who can control his or her |
thoughts. |
I’m going to share with you a method I designed years ago on my path to |
enlightenment. |
You’ll learn how I became the ringleader of the circus in my mind, |
but before we get onto that I must be blatantly clear. |
I was not always living in a state of constant positivity. |
In fact, for 18 years of my life I was an extremely stubborn person known for |
having one hell of a bad temper. |
As child I spent a lot of time on my own. |
The first portion of my life I grew up in the rural countryside of Corcoran, |
Minnesota. |
I really can’t imagine a more rounded place to be raised in than Minnesota. |
Growing up there I got a taste of every season. |
At 6: 30 am on a cold winter morning the last thing anyone wants to do is stand |
at the bus stop. |
But we had to. |
And furthermore we had to learn to enjoy it. |
We lived on a 3 acre farmhouse with. |
I neighbours in sight. |
The only people that I know existed were my mom, dad, and sister. |
My mother was a wholesome lady born and raised in the Midwest, my father a |
motorcycle -riding rebel without a cause. |
The thought of the two of them being together was something like a blizzard in |
July. |
They were Young and in love, but my father turned out to be more unfaithful |
than a gas tank on E. |
And one day he ran out. |
Not just from his wife, but from his children as well. |
They got divorced and from this point on a woman would teach me how to be a man. |
Between the ages of five and ten I did a lot of moving around with my mom and |
sister. |
I didn’t know it then, but we were jumping from city to city simply to survive. |
At the time of the divorce my mom was working in the warehouse of my dad’s |
trucking company. |
When the marriage ended, so did her pay checks. |
Not only that but my father was doing anything he could think of to avoid |
paying child support. |
She now had two kids, no money, no job, no house, and no partner. |
Mom was standing toe-to-toe with the biggest challenge of her life and refused |
to blink. |
I’ll never forget recieving care packages from my grandparents and eating |
oranges for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. |
This all just added fuel to the fire as she became more determined than ever to |
provide for her family and change our current circumstances. |
The only thing to follow a problem is a solution. |
Allegedly mom landed a great job, and we relocated to Bloomington, Minnesota. |
This environment was very different than what I had been used to. |
It’s a very populated suburb that sits just south of Minneapolis. |
It was built off interactions and relationships with others, which I had |
absolutely no skills at. |
Assuming it would be easy for me to make friends, mom recommend I sign up for |
some sports at school. |
So I began playing hockey, lacrosse, baseball, and golf. |
Instantly I found myself surrounded by peers, but instead of making friends I |
made them my competition. |
At this point, growing up without a father figure in my life began to affect me. |
During practices and games I’d look around and see my teammates fathers |
cheering them on and in some cases even coaching the team. |
I started to realise my family’s situation wasn’t exactly normal, |
or similar to most of theirs. |
Since I spent so much time by myself, I never learned how to take a loss. |
I had to be the best. |
I needed to impress and outshine others. |
I was very hard on myself, and in turn I would allow these emotions to boil up |
until I lashed out in fits of anger. |
Episodes like this would follow me for many years. |
At one point in school, my math teacher even recommended to my mom that I get |
tested for bipolar disorder. |
I wasn’t in control of my emotions. |
They were being controlled by my thoughts. |
I was very confused and determined to fix this, so I took matters into my own |
hands. |
Here’s what I came up with: |
Inside my head sits a dresser. |
You know, the kind of dresser you keep clothes in with top, middle, |
and bottom drawers. |
Anytime a negative or undesired thought enters my head I immediately place it |
in the bottom drawer and slam it shut. |
Then I open my top drawer and allow the thought erasing to begin. |
That’s where I keep all the things that can instantaneously make my happy. |
It’s like how a certain smells can trigger a memory or how a song can magically |
bring you back to a place in time. |
We all have memories of past feelings that make up happy. |
The goal is to place these memories in your top drawer. |
The moment I open up my top drawer, vibrant colours explode into the air |
illuminating music notes, birds, paintings, Palm trees, oceans, and many other |
beautiful sights I’ve captured while travelling the world. |
Within one second you can completely erase any negative thoughts by simply |
thinking about things that make you happy. |
The ability to let go of memories is one of the most powerful tools we possess. |
I can honestly forget about the initial negative thought immediately and you |
can to. |
Over the years, plenty of people have told me they think I have a bad memory. |
What these people don’t understand is that I have a selective memory. |
I choose what I want to remember. |
If I decide to remember something, I’ll be able to tell you everything about |
that memory until my dying day. |
Chapter 4-I'm Selfish. |
I really like me. |
To say that you’re dreaming right now would essentially mean no one else exists |
without your effort. |
It’s saying that you’re solely responsible for creating everything in your life, |
and that without you the world would not exist. |
That’s exactly how you’re supposed to feel. |
I’m at the top of my list and I’m not afraid to admit it. |
I’m not be least but ashamed and you shouldn’t be either. |
The word «selfish"has been abused and misused since its origin. |
For some reason, we’ve attatched a negative connotation to this misunderstood |
word. |
I’m here to restore its dignity. |
By no means am I saying you shouldn’t help out others in need, because in my |
opinion there’s nothing more gratifying than being told «thank you». |
What I’m saying is until you’ve helped yourself, you’re not helping anyone else. |
This is your life and it’s time to start focusing on you. |
The first song of mine that really caught people’s attention was called «No Girlfriend». |
From the outside looking in it sounds like a typical rap song about being |
promiscuous with a bunch of girls and not being faithful with one in particular. |
Let’s take a closer look. |
I’ve always had a vindictive personality to things I feel strongly about. |
Whatever caught my attention at the time, I would submerse myself in it. |
When I first saw Travis Barker play drums, I picked up drumsticks and studied |
every Blink-182 song. |
When I first saw Danny Way air out of a half pipe I skated every day until my |
shoes had no soles. |
When I first head Idea Freestyle I started to rhyme. |
The same went for when I had feeling for someone. |
The person wouldn’t leave my mind for a second, and if I didn’t know what they |
were doing at all times it would drive me mad. |
Then came «No Girlfriend». |
I used to record in my mom’s garage in Bloomington. |
One night just as I was about to shut down the computer, I was hit hard with a |
moment of clarity. |
I suddenly realised how significant it was to have yourself on point before you |
offer half of your time to someone else. |
From here on out, I wanted to spend 100% of my time focused on me. |
I’m a very career-driven individual, and when I understood this, |
everything began to click. |
I would become successful in every aspect of what I was pursuing before |
entering another relationship. |
I’m not saying you should push people away and become a loner. |
What I’m saying is you have the choice to spend the maximum amount of time |
focused on your goals. |
It’s your call, but the choice you make will be the deciding factor in how long |
it takes for you to get what you want. |
The more time you spend thinking about what you want, the faster you will get |
it. |
I was so inspired by this wake up call that I had to immediately start writing. |
The second I put my pen to that page it didn’t stop moving until the song was |
completed. |
The first sentence on that page was «no girlfriend till I make a million». |
The reference to making a million doesn’t have anything to do with money. |
Rather it symbolises a form of success in the general public’s eyes. |
Within one hour, the song was written and recorded inside mom’s garage. |
It’s my right to become successful and take advantage of the years I’ve been |
given. |
Every dream you want to pursue is waiting for you to introduce yourself. |
Now is the time to say hello. |
The time to hesitate has passed. |
I’ve always found it interesting that you can walk in to any establishment and |
see one thing about the employees. |
Ages. |
Old and young people all work under the same roof. |
Your can go into any fast food restaurant and notice just as many people under |
40 as you do over 40. |
The older people are able to maintain a living and pay whatever bills they may |
have off the same jobs you can get as a 16 year old. |
Spend your years chasing true ambitions. |
You’re never too old, and it’s never too late to dive head first into the dream. |
Name | Year |
---|---|
Flames ft. MOD SUN | 2021 |
Bullets in the Dark ft. MOD SUN | 2020 |
Stay Away ft. Machine Gun Kelly, Goody Grace | 2020 |
Bones | 2021 |
Painkiller | 2021 |
Karma | 2021 |
Heavy ft. MOD SUN | 2021 |
LO$ERS ft. MOD SUN | 2021 |
Down ft. MOD SUN | 2021 |
Rich Kids Ruin Everything | 2022 |
I'LL BE DAMNED ft. MOD SUN | 2021 |
Betterman | 2021 |
Shoot ‘Em Down ft. Machine Gun Kelly | 2015 |
Roll Up | 2011 |
Edge | 2021 |
Breakdowns | 2021 |
Goddess ft. G-Eazy | 2015 |
Free Love | 2015 |
Beautiful Problem ft. Maty Noyes, gnash | 2017 |
f̶r̶e̶e̶s̶t̶y̶l̶e̶ freesmileBB | 2017 |