| Well, the dog act got drunk again last night
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| The king and queen of the waltz clog team had another fight
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| The king was careless with his tango grip
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| Nearly lost his queen in a dip
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| Yeah, she righted herself
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| Straightened out her slip and kicked him in the shin
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| Miss Billy Begonia thinks she’s hit the «Big time»
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| She wants a thick red rug from the dressing room door
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| To the front-line of the footlights
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| She’s got a sky blue swans down powder puff
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| And a corset to keep her spirits up
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| Yeah, she don’t sweat
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| She sours and melts like ice cream in the sun
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| She’ll be out of a job at the end of this three week run
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| We’re having fun out here on Panic Beach
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| All the vaudeville bums are here out on Panic Beach
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| I hear them talk about the Palace but it’s so far out of reach
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| So I’ll do my time then say goodbye to Panic Beach
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| Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
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| The visionary theatric strikes a juggler’s seesaw tune
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| And the dying swan pirouettes and fawns
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| By the light of the street lamp moon
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| When my trunk is filled with taffeta
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| Those «Big time» hacks won’t laugh at us
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| When my taps are made of silver
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| I can make the kiddies thrill for just one buck and wing
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| Yeah, I will nail them to my heel and the Panic Choir sings
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| Here comes a lucky little thing to Panic Beach
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| Yeah, you know we got to teach him how to sing
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| While we’re stuck on Panic Beach
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| Ah the way ya hear 'em say it, doesn’t seem so outta reach
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| So I’ll do my time then say goodbye to Panic Beach
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| Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
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| Well, the landlord gets a free show every Saturday at six
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| Sometimes on a Sunday
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| All dependin' on whatever kinda mood he’s in
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| I keep his glass filled up with sherry
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| And sing him all his favorite songs
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| If a tear comes to his eye he may let a month go by
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| Before he takes away my key
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| Oh, that sherry starts to taste real good to me
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| Hey mama, look at me on Panic Beach
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| I may be hungry but my rent is free up on Panic Beach
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| Yeah, I can almost see the palace no longer outta reach
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| So I’ll do my time then say goodbye to Panic Beach
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| Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye |