| I was sitting in a diner
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| With a girl named flo
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| She wouldn’t say yes
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| But she couldn’t say no
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| She said «darling, can I get a middle man? |
| «She was engaged to a fellow
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| On the lay a way plan
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| But she carried all her money
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| In a coffee can
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| She said «darling, can I get a middle man? |
| «The cook looked over
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| With a short order face
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| Dropped a fork
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| And he saw flo’s legs
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| Straightened his apron
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| And burnt my eggs
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| I got competition
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| Everywhere I go
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| These days
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| She was leaning on the juke box
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| And was lookin' real good
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| Like natalie wood
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| On a pontiac hood
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| I said «darling, I think I need a little hand»
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| Ya see, I’ve seen my downs
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| I’ve seen my ups
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| I seen miniature dogs
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| In coffee cups
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| But «darling I ain’t never seen a middle man»
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| Flo talked slow
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| Like real wet paint
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| She said
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| «a middle man’s there
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| When the other ones ain’t
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| He’s got a left handed manner
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| That leans to the right
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| Sleeps all day
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| And keeps it up all night …»
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| … I got an aunt in ohio
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| And a boat that won’t row
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| Some veterans insurance
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| And nowhere to go
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| «darling, can I be your middle man? |
| "
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| (spoken)
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| If I could get the money in that coffee can
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| I could open me up a lemonade stand
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| Send all the kids off to pakistan
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| Make flo happy
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| If I can
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| Jerry mahoney and johnny b. |
| goode
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| Are gonna buy me a house in hollywood
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| «darling I think I got the perfect plan»
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| «we're gonna save half a dollars
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| And sell 'em to france
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| Buy us a record
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| And learn how to dance
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| And darling I’ll always be your middle
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| Darling go buy a griddle
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| Darling I wanna be your middle man |