| This hotel room got a lot of stuff
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| A laundry bag and a shoe shine cloth
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| Thirty-two hangers and a touch-tone phone
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| Well, a light that comes on when I’m not home
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| I ain’t home, I ain’t home
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| You better leave a message 'cause I ain’t home
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| They got an air conditioner for when I’m hot
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| A radiator for when I’m not
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| Two big chairs sitting side by side
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| With a Holy Bible and a TV guide
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| TV guide, TV guide, great God o' mighty
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| It’s a TV guide
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| I got a second story view from curb to curb
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| I got a sign that reads 'Do not disturb'
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| A monogram towel and a bucket of ice
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| A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies
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| Mirror that lies, mirror that lies
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| That couldn’t be me in the gorilla disguise
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| They got a room service menu for food and drinks
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| A porcelain thrown and an aluminum sink
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| Two big pillows to rest my head
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| A magic fingers and a king size bed
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| Put in a quarter, turn out the light
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| Magic fingers makes you feel alright
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| Feel alright, feel alright
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| Magic fingers makes you feel alright
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| Oh this ol' hotel’s alright with me
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| They pay the postage if you lose the key
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| This hotel has got a lot of stuff
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| But I do believe I have had enough
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| Call my baby, said, ‽Don't you pout
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| I’m packing my bags and I’m checking out
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| Just as soon as you hang up the telephone
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| Stick a candle in the window I’m coming home
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| Coming home, coming home
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| Stick a candle in the window, I’m coming home†|