| My first crush on an Irish girl
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| I was 10 years old
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| And her name was Elaine
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| Little red head girl
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| Well she looked like you
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| But if you were 10
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| Which you’re clearly not
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| Not that you look old
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| But you get my-
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| I’ll just stop now
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| Okay wait cause I had a point
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| No I swear I did
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| Well, I think I did
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| Which is all my life
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| Or since I was 10
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| I have had a yen
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| For an Irish lass
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| Because God knows why
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| Like the ancient curse of the shiksa queens
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| Do I talk too much?
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| Which is not to say
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| That I want Elaine
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| Who turned out to be
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| When I last checked in
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| A republican
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| And a parapsychologist?
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| If you’ve got a four leaf clover
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| You could make your dreams come true
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| I will be your Hebrew slave
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| Just do the things that Irish girls do
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| Talk about potato famine
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| I begin to cry on cue
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| Sing about the Emerald Isle and
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| Get your Irish eyes to smiling
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| I could be in love with someone like you
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| (Okay yeah I just said that’s… good… no it’s great)
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| I just left a relationship
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| With a lovely girl
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| Named Alissa Levine
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| She was really great
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| It was all my fault |
| I just got upset
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| Cause she slept with my brother
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| So I made a vow not get caught up
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| In the dating scene
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| Or the whole routine
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| With the cousin’s friend
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| Or the who knows what
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| Like I need that shit
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| I’ve got marks to make
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| I’ve got steps to climb
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| It’s the perfect time
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| I’ve got books to write
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| I’ve got things to do
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| I go out door and bump into you
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| And the jig is up and my vow is through
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| I don’t know what I’m doing
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| But come in and ruin me
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| I will write my own Ulysses
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| If you’re there to show me how
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| Take me back to Glocca Morra
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| Bathe me in the river Shannon now
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| If you’ll be Misses O’Leary
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| Baby I will be your cow!
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| I’ll deliver shamrocks daily
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| Buy your Pa a new shillelagh
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| I could be in love with someone like
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| You could be my inspiration
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| And get me past this block
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| And walk me through the great unknown
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| You could be my true salvation
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| Unchain me from this rock
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| And keep me from being alone
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| Cause I’m no good at being alone
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| Take me to another level
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| Let me play in bigger halls
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| I will do a riverdance
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| As long as you keep answering my calls |
| Get me out of my apartment
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| Keep me from my empty walls
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| Someone hire John McCormick
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| Start to wearing of the green
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| Let me win the Irish sweepstakes
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| Let me take you home Kathleen
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| I could be in love with someone
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| I could be in love with someone
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| I could be in love with
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| Someone
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| Like you |