| A fine romance with no kisses
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| A fine romance, my friend, this is
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| We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
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| But you’re as cold as yesterday’s mashed potatoes
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| A fine romance, you won’t nestle
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| A fine romance, you won’t wrestle
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| I might as well play bridge with my old maid aunt
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| I haven’t got a chance
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| This is a fine romance
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| A fine romance, my good fellow
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| You take romance, I’ll take jello
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| You’re calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
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| At least they flap their fins to express emotion
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| A fine romance with no quarrels
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| With no insults and all morals
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| I’ve never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants
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| I never get the chance
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| This is a fine romance
|
| A fine romance with no kisses
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| A fine romance, my friend, this is
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| We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
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| But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder
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| A fine romance, with no glitches
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| A fine romance, with no bitches
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| You’re just as hard to land as the 'Isle de France'
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| I haven’t got a chance
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| This is a fine romance |