| Now I’m here to tell you my life story
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| When I was young
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| I was a skinny neurotic bitch
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| (Doo-doo-da-dee-ha!)
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| But it didn’t matter
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| Because the ego was so large
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| It didn’t matter that I hadn’t done nothing
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| Or seen nothing in my life, ow!
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| Trapped in a sexless body I always knew
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| (Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha)
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| That I was an oversexed hussy
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| So my next task was to find someone who could
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| Satisfy my every desire
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| (Da-da doo-dood da ba dad-dood
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| Da-dood-dad-dood da-dood-da-da)
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| Unfortunately I lacked the basic essentials
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| So I went out to get me some
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| Of what I needed all along
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| A pair of titties just like mom
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| (Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!)
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| I went to a Catholic school
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| With all those nerds
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| I swear a good Catholic girl
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| Can’t go anywhere these days
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| Well, then there was a quest for the perfect hunk
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| I spell that h-u-n-k, hunk
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| You know, I like them tall and blonde |