Lyrics Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt - Frank Zappa

Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt

After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by toad-os road crew,
and being too exhausted to do their laundry on a regular basis,
mary is dumped in miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock
Ps due into the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few
bucks by entering the wet t-shirt contest at the brasserie…
Ike:
Looks to me like something funny is going on around here
People laughin and dancin and payin entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are clean outa-site
And they’re ready to party Cause the sign outside says it’s wet t-shirt nite
and they all crave some hot delight
Well the girls are excited because in a minute they’re gonna get wet
And the boys are delighted because all the titties will get em upset
And they all think they are reety-awright n they’re ready to boogie cause the
sign outside says it’s wet t-shirt nite n they all crave some pink delight
When the water gets on em their ninnies get rigid n look pretty bold
It’s a common reaction that makes an attraction whenever it’s cold
And all of the fellas they wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets the local girls are showin' off tonight
You know I think it serves em right
You know I think it serves em right
You know I think it serves em right
You know I think it serves em right
And it’s wet t-shirt time again
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
Big ones!
Wet ones!
Big wet ones!
At this point, father riley (who had been recently de-frocked for not meeting
his quota, and has grown his hair out and bought a groovy sport coat and moved
to miami and changed his name to buddy jones) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a wet t-shirt contest emcee…
Buddy jones:
Ah, thanks, ike… Yes, it’s wet t-shirt time again here at the brasserie…
Home of the tits… Huh huh… And it’s the charming mary from canoga park up
next in her bid for the semi-finals… Hi Mary… Howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, mary does not recognize
the former religious personage from her nights in the rectory basement during
which she acquired her basic manual sk
.
Confounded by his sport coat, she replies…
Mary:
Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him… Or even appreciates the patient
religious training he had given her in the past, buddy jones, like a true wet
t-shirt emcee type person, proceeds to
Various stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer,
thereby giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to
buy more exciting beverages… Liquid prod
That will expand their consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more
fully enjoy the ambiance of miami by night…
Buddy jones:
Where ya from?
Mary:
Ah, the bus…
Buddy jones:
Which one?
Mary:
You know… The last tour… You know… Leather
Buddy jones:
Oh… You were the girl stuck to seat 38 phydeaux iii… Why don’t you get in
position and take a deep breath, because this water is very, very cold,
but it’s goin to be so stimulating.
And mary
E kind of red- blooded american girl wholl do anything…
Mary:
Anything…
Buddy jones:
I said anything… For fifty bucks that’s right!
Mary:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
Buddy jones:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed… That’s right,
you heard right… Our big prize tonite is fifty american dollars to the girl
with the most exciting mammalian protuberences…
Mary:
Here I am!
Buddy jones:
… As viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
persons conservative kind of middle-of-the-road cotton undergarment!
Whoopee!
And here comes the water!
Mary:
Eeek!
Buddy jones:
No, you’d squeak more if the water got on you… Sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead… And here comes the ice pick in the forehead…
A million laughs, mary!
Anyway;
good golly
A mess… Shes totally soaked… Yeh, totally committed to the fifty bucks…
That’s it just step into the spotlight… Let the guys get a good look at ya
honey!
Mary:
Here I am!
Buddy jones:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now mary, hows about shakin it around a
little…
Mary:
Ooooh!
Buddy jones:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
Mary:
Oooh!
I’m dancing!
I’m dancing!
Buddy jones:
Ain’t this what living is really all about!
Heres your fifty bucks mary…
Mary:
Oh great!
Now I can go home!
Buddy jones:
Home is where the heart is
Mary:
On the bus