| I dreamt a dream the other night I couldn’t sleep a wink
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| The rats were tryin' to count the sheep and I was off the drink
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| There were footsteps in the parlour and voices on the stairs
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| I was climbin' up the walls and movin' round the chairs
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| I looked out from under the blanket up at the fireplace
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| The Pope and John F. Kennedy were starin' in me face.*
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| Suddenly it dawned at me I was getting the old D.T.s
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| When the Child o' Prague began to dance around the mantlepiece
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| Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag
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| To the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg
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| As I sat lookin' up the Guinness ad I could never figure out
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| How your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout
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| Well I swore upon the bible I’d never touch a drop
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| My heart was palpitatin' I was sure 'twas going to stop
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| Thinkin' I was dyin' I gave my soul to God to keep
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| A tenner to St. Anthony to help me get some sleep
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| I fell into an awful nightmare — got a dreadful shock
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| When I dreamt there was no Duty-free at the airport down in Knock |
| George Seawright was sayin' the rosary and Mother Teresa was taking the pill
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| Frank Patterson was gargled and he singin' Spancil Hill
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| I dreamt that Mr. Haughey had recaptured Crossmaglen
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| Then Garret got re-elected and gave it back again
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| Dick Spring and Roger Casement were on board the Marita-Ann
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| As she sailed into Fenit they were singin' Banna Strand
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| I dreamt Archbishop McNamara was on Spike Island for 3 nights
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| Havin' been arrested for supportin' Traveller’s rights
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| I dreamt that Ruairi Quinn was smokin' marijuana in the Dail
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| Barry Desmond handin' Frenchies out to scuts in Fianna Fail
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| I dreamt of Nell McCafferty and Mary Kenny too
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| The things that we got up to, but I’m not tellin' you
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| I dreamt I was in a jacuzzi with that old whore at number 10
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| 'twas then I knew I’d never ever, ever drink again |