| Yeah
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| Man, this year is fucking killing me
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| Being trapped in this fucking house?
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| I’m losing it
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| Stab myself in the neck to see how quick I bleed out (ow)
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| That’s how I bored I been in quarantine stuck in a fucking house
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| Good thing I got a pound of drugs up under the couch
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| If I didn’t, shit, I woulda lost my mind by now (yeah)
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| So bored that I stapled my own dick to the floor (ooh)
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| Just to see what would happen (fuck) and I can’t piss anymore
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| So my bladder backed up and exploded up in my body (ugh)
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| But I picked up surgery as my quarantine hobby (haha)
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| So I managed to tape it up and stapled it shut
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| And rerouted my urethra, now I pee through my butt
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| Webby, seriously dog, like what the fuck?
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| My bad, I’m on drugs, I’m just making this up (true)
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| I went MILF hunting at Whole Foods with whole plans
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| Hadn’t gotten laid in weeks, I was ready to go ham
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| Tried to fuck a cougar but settled for roast ham
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| And by that I mean, actually fucking a roast ham
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| I put on a Trojan and grabbed it with both hands (oh yeah)
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| And lubed that bitch up with a can of cold spam (ugh)
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| Gave it a few thrusts (ugh), got a quick nut
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| Till they called the pigs up (oh shit), then I just zipped up and I ran
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| (skedaddle)
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| Now that’s a triple pork entendre
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| Probably got like eighty seven baby mommas (yeah), that’s why
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| I will always stay changing my numbers (who's my dad)
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| Mmh, nah, I’ll just let him wonder, kinda kidding
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| But what’s a future with some kids in my plans?
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| I mean, our only common interest is shitting our pants and sucking our tits
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| And regularly having women wiping down and touching our dicks
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| (Yo, you bugging for this)
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| I went on the dark web drunk the other night
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| And woke up with a brand new Ukrainian wife
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| Gotta be honest, at first, shit was pretty uncomfortable
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| So I loosened her up with that classic Cliff Huxtable (here, drink this)
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| That’s a roofie joke, that’s cool in 2020, right? |
| (Right?)
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| No? |
| I’m just tryna keep it light (oh shit)
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| But it’s hard to read the room, shit I got terrible sight
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| Can I at least make jokes about transvestites
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| Or would that make me a dick, get it? |
| Make me a dick (haha)
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| And all these uptight buttholes are making me sick (fuck you)
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| I’m in the gender neutral bathroom taking a shit
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| Door open, sitting there waving and shit (hi)
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| Like hi kids, do you like sirens?
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| Hang around with me enough, you’ll see police officers and firemen
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| Following me driving, swerving till they piling
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| On top of each other as I just speed away smiling (yeah)
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| 'Cause Webby so ridiculous, crazy as a bitter bitch
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| That I haven’t texted back since I gave her syphilis (fuck you, Chris)
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| And gonorrhea, I ain’t know I was infected
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| But it’s all good, at least I’ve been coronavirus tested (true)
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| Swabbed on my dick, then I went and post-marked it
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| Priority mail, right to the Wuhan market
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| Pretty sure I’ll pass, I’ve been wearing a mask
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| And been healthy on a diet, eating nothing but bat (delicious)
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| On my Ozzy Osbourne, just a child of the corn
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| They mistook me for some kinda devil that’s in human form
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| Till I bleached my red skin and I sawed off my horns, 'cause
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| All I do is sin, take drugs, and watch porn
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| Got a Craigslist hooker just to talk to her
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| Thought it would be chill, but nothing coulda been awkwarder
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| All I needed was someone to listen to what I said
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| «Get a therapist!», she told me, while giving me head
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| Yeah, I got a lotta problems but I never let 'em get to me
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| Fart on elevators and I blame the woman next to me (gross)
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| All for gender equality as long as that includes
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| A bitch doing my laundry and getting my dishes washed for me
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| Honestly, I’m just motherfucking kicking up dust
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| Just to do it, so you can go and lick on my nuts
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| You can find me all high in my car getting puffed
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| Either there or at the dog park sniffing butts
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| Yeah, I’m frigging nuts, do you not get it? |
| (Get it)
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| Shit, I always was, then you add a pandemic
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| When I’m locked in the crib with mad pills, free time, and no chill
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| But fuck it, we going crazier still, now here’s a hook, so
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| Follow my lead and do what I do (come on)
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| Snort a buncha cocaine and run around nude (yeah)
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| Jump in the gorilla enclosure up at the zoo (do it)
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| You show up, black out to your work interview, so
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| Follow my lead and say what I say (say it)
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| Piss off any and everybody that’s in the way (fuck it)
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| Who gives a fuck? |
| Shit, the world is ending any day
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| Shit, I forgot to write a last line, fuck it |
Song information On this page you can read the lyrics of the song Cabin Fever , by - Chris Webby. Song from the album 28 Wednesdays Later, in the genre Рэп и хип-хоп