| Stop telling me stuff, quit asking me shit
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| Can’t you see I’m watching the game
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| I’ve had just about enough, I’m going to pinch a fit
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| If the Cardinals lose you’ll be the one to blame
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| Stop rubbing my chest, stay off of my chair
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| For Pete’s sake, it’s only for two hours
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| The damn game’s a mess, and this ump ain’t fair
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| Why don’t you go out and pick me some flowers
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| You know how I hate those fucking Cubs
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| I’ve told you at least a thousand times
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| Right now, I can’t give you no damn back rub
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| With two out and two on in the ninth
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| Later on you can drive me insane
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| But right now, I’m watching the game
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| Stop telling me stuff, quit asking me shit
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| Can’t you see I’m watching the game
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| I’ve had just about enough, I’m going to pinch a fit
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| If the Cards lose you’ll be the one to blame
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| If we lose, this house will be a dark place
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| For at least a week or ten days
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| Right now, my mind is just on third base
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| And that bastard that was traded from the A’s
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| Later on you can drive me insane
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| But right now, I’m watching the game
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| Right now, I’m watching the damn game |