| If I was a rich man
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| I’d buy you some shoes
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| Tall boots for all the dirt you walk through
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| What would that do?
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| Enable you to deal
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| Without schooling you on how to touch what’s real
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| And if I was a smart man
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| I’d tell you everything that I knew
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| And give it to you every time you need a talking to But what would that do?
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| Teach you my guidelines
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| So you can be a cheerleader at your game on the sidelines
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| And if I was a driver
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| I’d keep my headlights on To see the difference between right and wrong
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| I’d wear my seatbelt even when I’m in park
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| Cause I don’t trust the other fools that cruise through these parts
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| And if I was a better cook
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| I’d hook up a feast
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| Set a table full of food for the children to eat
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| I encourage the nourishment so we can breathe
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| With the knowledge that we got something accomplished
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| And if I was Santa Claus, I’d fight for the cause
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| Wouldn’t expect nothing in return
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| I’d give you everything you want, I’d be everything you need
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| So you can take my hand and I can take the lead
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| And if I was an honest man
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| I would stop writing songs
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| I’d break for a nervous breakdown for breakfast
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| Tell everyone I knew to stay away from making music
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| It ain’t nothing but a confusing mess (confusing mess)
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| And if I was you, I wouldn’t hear a word I said
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| Wouldn’t trust nothing to start it up inside my head
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| I’d make a conscious effort to live instead
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| Of trying to kill the monsters that reside underneath the bed
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| And if I was a hurt man
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| I’d find a way to put my faith
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| Into a woman that could take me from today
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| Maybe
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| I need somebody that could save me From the parts of myself that keep making me crazy
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| And if I was a wise man
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| I’d climb to the top of the mountain peak
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| To think about strength versus weakness
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| I’d find a point that rests a couple of feet above your head
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| And figure out how I could try to help you reach it
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| (Ho ho ho)
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| And if I did have a choice
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| I’d never want to live forever
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| Just let me have a voice so I can make my points
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| I can’t imagine running a race with no finish line
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| Just let me keep my pace and make to most of my time
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| I love giving but I’m bad at receiving
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| The truth is, I’d prefer to be the one bleeding
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| But I’m a paranoid that stays between play and work
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| Cautious and aware, 'cause I’m afraid of being hurt
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| Which brings me to the issue
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| And that would be this:
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| How often must I ask myself why I exist?
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| I feel like a freak, this world is a circus
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| Just trying to find myself as well as my purpose
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| And if I was Santa Claus, I’d fight for the cause
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| Wouldn’t expect nothing in return
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| I’d give you everything you want, I’d be everything you need
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| And you can take my hand and I can take the lead
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| I got nothing but gifts
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| Keep it up in my wits
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| Got me drunk on the fifth
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| And now we’re stuck in a ditch
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| And as dumb as it gets
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| I’mma run you some fibs (?)
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| I wanna touch your lips
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| I wanna rub your hips
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| Put a glove on the fist
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| For the love that exists
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| We’ll keep bumping the hits
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| To get my bucket of chips
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| From the Bloods and the Crips
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| To the skateboarding chicks
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| Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist
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| (Ho ho ho ho) |