Lyrics School Sucks - Anthony Jeselnik

School Sucks

One year in High School I ran for Class President, and I lost
To a girl in a wheelchair…
Now I’m not ashamed I know she definetely got the sympathy vote,
but that’s just because I ran really negative campaign…
A vote for Anthony…
His ideas have legs…
You should all be laughing at that joke…
There’s no ramp here…
This is fucking easy…
I’m like eight minutes in
CD’s already gone gold…
When I was in College I got stuck in a dormroom, with this guy from Eastern
Europe
Now I don’t know if there’s a problem, with people from Eastern Europe
But this guy would not shower, or use deodorant
But I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he smelled bad
So one morning I left him a note…
It said: «Dear Olaf…
Get out of my Country.»
God I loved College…
College was so great
The only thing I didn’t like about college was Calculus
Did you guys take that shit?
Hated Calculus, hated it
And I was failing Calculus so badly, that I tried to get my girlfriend,
to sleep with my proffesor
To get me an A
But you know how chicks are…
She forgot to mention me…
My little brother, is in High School right now.
'n we’re close
But sometimes he’ll take advantage of that
Last week he calls me up and he goes «Anthony, I just cut school for no reason
Now I need you, to write me a sick note, and then forge dads signature»
And I did it, but I’m horrible at stuff like that
His teacher just took one look at the note and said «Mickey, you expect me to believe this…
You don’t have AIDS.»
And now if you like that AIDS joke…
Lucky day
You are gonna love
You are gonna Love this next AIDS joke
I just got an E-mail, from an ex-girlfriend of mine telling me that she has AIDS
And I didn’t know how to comfort her
So I just wrote back… «I know.»
…
Maybe some of you guys noticed a pattern here…
These are all great jokes…
I just got back from my 10 year High School reunion
The Prom Queen now weighs 300 pounds, and has 3 kids
Heart-breaking…
She used to have 5 kids